


Too Quiet

by starlighttrash



Series: Noises [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Chan will eventually show up, DK is pretty much there for comedy relief, Drama, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jihoon and Soonyoung are relationship goals, Jihoon is always grumpy, M/M, Romance, The Story Is Not As Depressing As The Tags Trust Me, mentions of past selfharm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlighttrash/pseuds/starlighttrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Mingyu is not entirely sure why his friends think he’s depressed when he’s perfectly fine- kind of… not really- , but when a new senior named Wonwoo comes crashing into his life without warning, Mingyu realises maybe he’s not depressed, maybe he’s just lonely.</p>
<p>Apparently balancing a blossoming relationship with the new kid is trickier than it looks, when coupled with a more than hectic family life, a chaotic friend group, and a seriously lonely existence.</p>
<p>A high school AU of equal measures fluff and angst featuring obnoxious friends, falling in love, lots of parental problems, and mainly shy Wonwoo.</p>
<p> ☆Read the fic in Wonwoo's P.O.V in Too Loud☆</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mornings

*Mingyu's P.O.V.*

Opening my eyes and waking up to the grueling ring of my alarm is nothing new to me. It is my junior year of high school after all, you would think I'd be used to the annoying sound by now.

As I slide the screen of my phone to turn that god awful sound off, I let out a yawn and sit up. While yawning/stretching, my shirt begins to ride up my solid milky stomach. I adjust my eyes to the sun peaking through my gray curtains and pull my shirt back down. A few light knocks on my room door makes me jump a little.

"Honey, breakfast is ready downstairs!" my mom calls in a chirpy tone out from the hallway, just outside my door.

I sigh and look at the digital clock sitting on the desk across the room.  _ 6:47. God how is this woman this energetic. _ I think to myself in disbelief-

"Mingyu are you up?" She calls out once more in a calmer tone.

With a raspy morning voice"Yes yes yes I'm up okay" I reply in a sluggish tone. "I'll be down in a minute." I hear my mom's slippers on the hardwood floor as she begins to move away. I yawn once more and flop back down on my queen size bed. As I lay there, I take in the sent of the freshly cleaned fabric of my soft gray duvet. Lightly closing my eyes, I slowly began to rela-

**RING RING RING**

"whAT TH- " I jump and fall off my bed with a loud thud. Landing heavily on my butt. "Uhhg" Laying on the cold hardwood floor I slowly  begin to rub my aching backside.I then suddenly realize that I never "turned off my alarm" I snoozed the obnoxious thing. I slowly get up off the floor and make my way to my bedside table, where my phone still lays. Charging and braking my eardrums, with the shrill sound that it is producing. Sliding the device's screen to the correct side this time, I let out a soft sigh. "Today might just be a little more different than usual." I say through gritted teeth. Little did I know that this morning would change my life forever.

●●

After I finally get dressed I look in the mirror and observe myself. My skinny jeans hug in just the right places and my white button up contrasts nicely with my freshly dyed un-styled hair. I then grab my school tie and blazer off my dresser and head to my bathroom that's down the hall.

As I step out of my room for the first time this morning, the smell of freshly brewed coffee consumes all my senses. To be honest with you, smelling the jet black liquid as I step out of my room is one  of my favorite things about getting up in the morning. Of course I still dread getting up and having to actually extract myself from my cocoon of warmth, which is just myself rolled tightly into my duvet. But just knowing that a warm cup will be waiting to be poured for me when I get down there, is just one of those things that I have come to love.

When I begin to reach the bathroom I notice th e door is shut. Which is strange because I'm the only one who uses this bathroom.  _ In fact _ everyone else in the house has their own bathroom. My parents share one and my younger sister has her own that's connected to her bedroom. Plus there is a guest bathroom downstairs. So why is my bathroom door shut?!

As I finally step in front of the door I hear music blaring and the sound of water running from inside. "What the hell?" I whisper to myself. Using my free hand I bang on the door and yell,"Who's in my bathroom!" and wait for a response.

"It's just me, chill Mingyu!" I hear my younger sister, Minseo, call out.

Is she serious right now? Not only is her bathroom connected to her bedroom, but it is also more spacious than mine. The next thing running through my mind is why my 15 year old sister would even want to step foot in my bathroom. Not saying I'm a  _ gross _ person or anything, but I'm a  _ pretty messy person _ .

"No, I will not  _ chill _ ," I retort back "why are you in there?!" I continue in a more whiny tone. Because not only is she currently throwing off my morning routine, but my hair-styling products are in there and I actually care  _ a lot _ about what my hair looks like. The only sound that can be heard is the constant spray of the shower head and VIXX's 대.다.나.다.너 /G.R.8.U blasting from what I assume is her phone, probably connected to my speaker dock that I keep in there. Becoming impatient, I bang on the door once more. "Hellooo!", annoyance clearly heard in my voice.

"You have better razors, okay!" she replies back.

...

... _ what? _

Maybe it is the fact that it's around seven in the morning and I just woke up. Or maybe it's because I did not hear her correctly. But did she just say _ "better razors"?  _ You have got to be kidding me. Honestly she could've just taken one and went to her own shower, but no that would be to difficult.

"What did you just say?" I say in an extremely confused and annoyed tone.

" **_BETTER RAZORS_ ** " she practically yells back. I throw hands up in the air in defeat. Because at this point I'm to tired and hungry to even deal with this. I say a quick 'whatever' and head to the guest bathroom.

●●

I head down the stairs, blazer and tie still in hand, and take a left down a long, spacious, and nicely decorated hallway. When I reach midway I turn left and enter the unoccupied bathroom. "At least it smells nicer in here" I say in an impressed tone, while lifting my eyebrows.

I look into the mirror and began to at least try to fix the blue mess of a nest that currently resides on my head. Using my hands, I try to sweep the tangled strands to the side and pat them down. With no luck in even making my hair look like I didn't just wake up, I give up and let out a sigh. I then reach for the rest of my uniform, which is sitting on the back of the toilet, and slip on my tie and blazer. After one last check in the mirror I head out to the kitchen.

When I arrive in the kitchen I see my mother standing in front of the fridge putting away what looks to be eggs. When I walk around the island to the coffee pot, she looks up to see me standing near her. As I grab a mug from the cabinet my mother begins to speak.

"Oh, good morning sweetie, I was about to see if you fell back asleep." She begins in an excited tone. "What took you so long to come get breakfast? You usually come straight down here?" her tone becomes a more softer/confused one. I let out a long sigh. My mother just raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

I grab the coffee pot and began to pour the scorching liquid. "Minseo is currently using my razor to shave her nasty legs." I nonchalantly answer back while placing the pot back on the burner. As I turn around to my mom to face her, I can already see the look of confusion in my mother's face in the corner of my eyes.

"What?" She asks in an exasperated tone as I walk around her to grab my breakfast that's sitting beside the stove.

As I make my way to the island stools, I reply back with a simple 'yep' and sit down to eat. My mom lets out an exhausted sigh and shakes her head. She continues to put up the rest of the food and begins to pile dishes in the sink. After a few minutes of nothing but the sound of dishes clanking in the sink and my fork hitting the plate,"But she has her  _ own _ bathroom for a reason." My mom starts.

" _ That what I'm saying _ !" I say in an astonished tone.

As mom goes back to washing the dishes I finish the last of my breakfast and place my plate, mug, and fork in the sink. "Thanks for breakfast. I'm heading out now." I say while leaning in to side hug my mother and kiss her cheek.

"Mingyu," She starts in a monotone voice, before I can even reach the doorway to the kitchen. "Please go brush your teeth. Do I have to remind you every morning."

My eyes widened to either embarrassment of how I completely forgot or the fact that I'm eighteen and my mother still has to remind me to brush my teeth. Probably both. I let out a nervous laugh and head back upstairs. As I reach the top and head down the hallway, my sister passes by me but stops and turns around with a smug face.

"Forgot to brush your teeth?" She asks with a smirk plastered on her small face.

"Shut up" I mumble before heading into my bathroom. As I close the door to the, now steamy, bathroom, I hear the devil herself begin to uncontrollably laugh as she continues to head downstairs. ‘One day I'm going to push her down those stairs.’ I think to myself while adding the minty paste to my toothbrush.

●●

After finishing in the bathroom I head back to my room to grab my phone. Once I enter my room, I stop by my dresser first and grab my cologne. I spray a little on my wrist then on my neck. Quickly I unplug my phone from it's charger, grab my bag from beside my desk and head back downstairs. When I get to the front door I slip on my shoes. "I'm heading out now!" I call out to my mother.

"Did you brush your teeth, honey!" She calls back.

"Uhhhg." I groan out loudly while rolling my eyes. "Yes! Oh my god." I then hear my sister laugh from the kitchen as I walk out the door.


	2. Cold Weather and Cat Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Mingyu keeps getting cut-off.

They say when it starts to become fall, life begins to fade away and die so a new one can form. I may seem like your average 18 year old on the outside, but lately I have been feeling like something in my life is missing. So perhaps it's my time to let fall take over so I can start again. Maybe I need a spring in my life, something or someone to make me feel alive.

All these thoughts race through my mind as I walk along too busy walkways to get to the subway. I usually get lost in my thoughts on the way to school. It has honestly become a problem. Just this past month I've ran into seven people. But sometimes I just get lost in the beauty of my surroundings . Today I notice the trees and how they are beginning to fade. Also the crisp fallen leaves on the sidewalk and how chilly it is becoming. Lifting my head, I look into the overcast sky above me. _Wow the sky's rel_ -

**OMMF**

As I fall on the ground for the second time that day, I snap out of my inner deep thoughts and swiftly get back up off the cold concrete. I begin wiping my legs and hands off.

"Uggghhrr" I hear a deep voice groan and look down to see a boy around my age rubbing his back. His head is down, so it is hard to see his face. There's a couple of papers scattered around him and what looks to be an old novel with creepy looking eyes on the front. Hmm, I think I've read that. A loud sigh snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I was spacing out." I hastily say, while bowing. "Here, let me help you up." Reaching my hand out, he begins to look up. First at my hand, then at me. "Are you okay?" I ask with my hand still stretched out. The young stranger's eyes widen slightly. And wow his eyes are _mesmerizing_. They're a deep creamy brown, but his irises look like an open night sky with stars scattered throughout. The corners are curved more inward, reminding me of a cat. While his cheeks begin to dust with shades of pink; He blinks twice then looks back down and begins to quickly gather the scattered papers.

I look around at the passing people and quickly get on my knees to help. I pick up the ancient novel first and glance at the title that reads, _The Great Gatsby_. "Huh. This one's really good, I've read it like three times." I say smiling and looking up to the stranger, who is still hastily gathering the fallen papers. _Are those class schedules_. I think, while tilting my head to get a better look.

Still holding the book, I began to look at the cat eyed stranger a little closer. His chocolate brown hair is mostly covered by a knitted black beanie. He is also wearing an oversized black sweater that stretches out over his hands. Denim skinny jeans, with faded spots and a pair of worn out red converses. _Cute_. I think to myself.

Suddenly, he snatches the novel out of my hand, while standing up and placing the novel into his black messenger bag. I look up at him and begin to stand clumsily back up. I began to to speak, "Uhh, um. S-sorry abo-" The stranger turns around and walks hastily away with one of the fallen papers still tightly gripped in one hand. I'm left standing with warm embarrassed cheeks. _Why the hell did I just stutter?! And why are my cheeks on fire?_

I stand there watching as he gets mixed with the crowd of people, who are rushing to get where they need to be. I quickly look at my phone to check the time. 7:46. "Shit, the subway leaves at 7:55!"

●●

Now in a sprint, I begin to rush to the station. The crisp air hits my cheeks as I run and I remind myself to wear my sweater vest tomorrow.

Entering the crowded station I take out my wallet from my back pocket, getting ready to scan my card. _There is so many people here_. I think, while waiting to beep my card. As I approach the scanner I pass my card swiftly over. Beep Beep. The bars let me pass and I began to pick up my pace to make it to my train on time.

I spot my train and see the doors begin to open to let passengers on. "Thank God" I breath out when I finally approach the crowded entrance. Stepping on, I notice all the seats are taken and begin to reach up to the overused rail above me for support. A few more passengers board. A couple of businessmen, a woman and her child, and a group of girls, with uniforms from a different school. They notice me and begin to look down and giggle.

 _Do I have something on my face?_ I look across the train to the widow and stare at my reflection. Nope, I don't have anything on my face. Whatever. I look back to where I saw the group of girls and my eyes widen when I see them all staring at me. Also, when did they get so close?

They begin to giggle again and I start to become annoyed. Honestly what's the problem here? Turning completely around, I ignore them and pull out my phone. Checking through my social media passes the time until my stop arrives.

●●

As I am leaving the subway I hear the same gigging as before. _You have GOT to be kidding!_ I stop dead in my tracks and feel someone bump into me. Turning completely around I see the same five girls from before and look them all in the eyes with a serious face.

"Is there something you guys need?" I ask in a calm tone, even though I am completely annoyed and kind of want to just yell at them at this point. I am not an asshole. Plus, I kind of have a reputation for being a generally nice guy.

One girl smiles and looks away embarrassed. Another sways back and forth on her feet and begins to speak. "We were all wondering if we could...um...maybe have a picture with you?" She finishes the last part in a quieter tone.

"Pardon?" My confusion can be clearly heard.

The same girl shuffles a little closer to me. "yeah like maybe a selfie or something." Another girl starts, "It's just that, you're _really_ handsome.." She finish with a beet red face.

_oh..._

_OH_

I don't know why I am so surprised, this actually happens quite often. Not the whole following me to school part, but girls thinking that I'm some hot idol. Which I don't ever see why because all my friends think I'm disgusting. Wait, I think at one point DK said that I have really nice hair.

While I'm standing there deep in thought I hear one of the girls cough. I look up to see them all looking at me with hopefulness in their eyes. "um..." I start. _Do I say yes, or would that be weird if I do? Maybe I should just walk away, I really have to get to school if I want to talk to my friends before the bell rings_. I look behind me and see my school in sight. S _o close!_ "Uh, sure. I guess" I say slowly as I turn my head back towards them.

The whole time I take pictures with them, my mind is constantly checking the time. As we finish up, one of the girls begin to ask for my name. I reply back with a simple 'Mingyu' while turning around and practically sprinting away.

●●

As I walk through the front gates of the school, I look around the vast courtyard. There are students scattered _everywhere_. Some are tucked into a corner playing with their phones. Others are playing a game of hacky-sack and the majority are just simply socializing. I don't bother with looking for my friends because I already know where they are. Not only are they some of the loudest people, but we have a "spot". So I don't ever have to worry about searching for them. Our spot is nothing special, just one of the oak trees that are scattered throughout the courtyard.

"Hey ' _Mr.Handsome_ ', we were thinking you were going to skip today." Soonyoung says as I walk up to the big tree where the group sits around.

"Morning" Seungcheol says, as he pats the space between him and a sleepy Jihoon, signaling for me to sit.

Jun stops eating what looks to be his lunch that he decided to have early, and looks up to see me sitting down. "Yah! What took you so long?" He says, rice flying out with every syllable,  Joshua, who is currently trying to help Vernon with his homework, scrunches up his nose in disgust as a piece of rice flies onto his open textbook.

"Close your damn mouth, you swine." Jihoon practically hisses out, while the rest of us burst out into a roar of laughter. He then lets out an annoyed sigh while leaning his back completely on the tree and closes his eyes. "Idiots" He mumbles out, but with no hint of rudeness.

I look around at everyone while they began to all engage into conversation, except Jihoon of course. Hmm something's off. _Joshua, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Jihoon, Vernon, Jun, and-_ "Wait where is-"

"OH MY GOD, GUYS YOU WON'T _BELIEVE_ WHAT JUST HAPPENED" DK yells/cuts me off, while running up to us.

 _There he is._ I think to myself.

He stops to catch his breath, while placing his hands on his knees and bending down a little. All of us look up at him in suspense, except Jihoon, who just looks like he wants to murder him. "So I was...doing cleaning...morning duty....right?" He gets out threw puffs of breath. We all shake our heads, meaning 'yes'. He straightens back up and continues. "While I was-"

**DING DING DING**

The class bell cuts him off. All of us begin to stand, gather our belongings and walk to our first period. DK just stands there in place, still a little winded, while watching us walk away. Seungcheol stops and places a hand on DK's shoulder, while saying, "Just tell us during lunch buddy." and continues to his first period class.

I swing my bag onto my shoulders and began to walk to my first period, Physics. Gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI So I hope this story is at least a little bit good XD anyways the next chapter we see what life in school is like for Mingyu. Until next time :)  
> Remember this story is crossed posted on Wattpad so if you prefer to read it the story there, you can find it by going to my profile @starlighttrash on Wattpad and reading it there.


	3. The New Kid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu is smarter than you think and also a little bit stressed.
> 
> Trigger Warnings for offensive language and racist sayings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a/n) Hello~ This update was huge XD anyways, leave comments about the update to help me improve or just to add your thoughts! Also if you really enjoyed it so far, favorite it :)

Growing up, I have always known that I was 'smart'. Not in the, I definatly need to study for this and I might get an 'A', way. But in the, I just need to  _ kind of _ pay attention in class and I'll definitely get and 'A'. Some people are born with amazing talents such as music, art, writing, and even sports. Me, I have the talent of 'education', I guess you can put it that way.

I have never gotten anything lower than a 'B-' in a class, which my parents praise me on. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my little 'gift', but I just don't see the real point. Yeah, this can get me into college and I could probably get a pretty nice job. But I envy the people that have the more outgoing talents, like being able to play the piano, creating beautiful pictures with just a pencil, or making a whole stadium scream by hitting a home-run. I only have another year left to figure out what I want to do with my life and I'm  _ kind of  _ freaking out on the inside. Not that anyone can tell, because I'm so outgoing and charismatic on the outside.

●●

These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I sit through a boring physics video, that I'm pretty sure we've seen. My seat in class is the row furthest from the doors, up against the windows and I'm the second chair. The sunlight makes a glare on the projector screen from where i'm sitting so it's not like I could really see the video in the first place. I look around the classroom to see if anyone else is just as bored as I am. The girl to the right of me is filing her nails, the girl behind me is rapidly taking notes on the video. The guy in front of me, I think his name was Minghao, is reading some manga. I sit back in my chair with a huff, wishing that I had at least one class with my friends this year.

It has been like this since freshmen year. I'm cursed with never having classes with my friends. Well other than P.E., but that doesn't count. Of course I wouldn't have any with Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Joshua, Jihoon, or Jun. They are all a grade above me, so they're Seniors this year. As for Vernon, DK, and I we're all Juniors. 

I jump when someone suddenly taps my shoulder from behind. I whip my head around to see the girl who was rapidly taking notes from before. She then gestures behind her and I see Seungkwan who is motioning for me to lower my head. This happens all the time and I still don't know why they haven't seated me in the back of the classroom yet. Before I can turn around he gestures for me to wait. I watch as he digs in his bag and pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper. Handing it to me he begins to whisper. "Can you give this to Vernon please, I think he left this on my desk on accident."

I take the paper and let out a an unattractive snort.  _ Those two are idiots _ . I think to myself as I turn back around. Vernon has had a crush on Seungkwan, ever since the Jeju boy moved here, which was sometime last year. Now Vernon is not a very talkative person. But you see, Vernon likes to talk about him, like all the time. "Guys did you know Seungkwan plays volleyball?", "Oh my god, have you guys heard Seungkwan sing?", "Do you think he'll notice me if I join the school choir?" I could go on forever.

As I place the note into my bag, the bell for second period rings. I get up from my desk and swing my backpack onto my shoulders. As I'm walking out the class I hear someone call my name.

"Mingyu, wait up!" The girl calls out again. I stop walking and turn around, the girl walking up to me is Jihye, one of the popular girls, you could say. She may be popular, but she is actually a terrible person. Last year she made the kid from earlier, Minghao, cry.

●●

Minghao moved here from China during spring break. So he was probably a little nervous since school's already started and everyone already has their friend groups sorted out. Anyways, while Minghao was in front of the class, trying to introduce himself the best he could, with the little Korean he knew at the time, Jihye was mocking him. Not just whispering what she had to say to her friends, oh no, she was full out vocalizing her rudeness. When he finally finished his introduction, the teacher asked the class if they had any questions for Minghao. And of course Jihye was the only one who raised her hand. She asked, "So did your mom pack you dog or cat for lunch?", in the most offensive Mandarin I have ever heard.

●●

"Okay, so I know this is pretty short notice, but like would you maybe want to come with me to this banquet thing my parents are throwing?" She says quickly "It's tomorrow night at seven." Finishing while looking down and wringing out her hands.  _ Why is she so nervous?  _

As I'm watching her become a nervous wreck, I don't even think twice before answering. "No thanks, now if you'll excuse me," I say while walking around her to get through the door. "I have to get to my Calculus class and you know Mrs. Lee, she  _ really _ hates when people are late.", "And you know, since I'm a Junior in a Senior class, I don't want a bad rep with the teacher." I hastily finish while speed walking out the door.

_ Maybe I was too blunt with her? Should I apologize later?... _

As I'm walking to my next class, which is upstairs, I pass by the front office.  _ Hmm, there seems to be a lot more people in there than usual _ . I think to myself. Stopping to peek into the office I hear someone begin to yell. "Well, this  _ faggot _ is the one who started it!" One person argued, then an older man's voice immediately began to speak. "That kind of language is not nee-"

_ Slap _

My eyes widen as I hear the unmistakable sound of hand to skin.

" _ Mr. Jeon! _ To my office now! I will  _ not _ toler-"

Deciding that I've heard enough, I slowly start to walk again. As I am heading up the stairs I pass by Vernon. I do a double take, because I'm wondering if I should give him the returned note now or at lunch time. If I give the note back now he probably won't be able to concentrate in class. But if I give it to him at lunch he'll just sulk the whole time... Hmm, well either way he'll still complain to us about how dense Seungkwan is. I'll just give the note to him at lunch, that way he'll have comfort when he receives the news.

●●

While I'm waiting for my calculus class to start, I hear one of the seniors, Jeonghan, began to quietly speak. "Yeah, I heard the new guy got into a fight with Joonea already. Chan said something about how he was on cleaning duty this morning and how- what's the new guys name?" he asked. "Jeon something, I don't remember." he continued. "Anyways, Joonea was mopping the bathrooms with that one tall Junior, DK," My ears perked up, hearing my friends name. "and apparently when the new kid went in there, something went  _ down _ ." Jeonghan finished in a, not so quiet, whisper. The girl he was talking to just shook her head and faced forward to the front of the class as the teacher walked in.

Wow, first day of school and the new guy already got into a fight with the school bully. Poor guy. Wait! Is that the reason there were a lot of people in the front office today? The name Jeon sounds familiar, so probably. I'm sure this is what DK was going to tell us this morning. 

Throughout the rest of Calculus, my mind kept wandering back to this morning; When I ran into the stranger with deep, cat-like, eyes. Something about him just felt so mysterious and luring. Also even though the temperature outside was chilly, my cheeks felt like they were on fire when I was talking to him.  _ Maybe you're attracted to him, Mingyu?  What? No! there's no way!   _ Well maybe there is? I've never really put a label to my sexuality, but I've also never liked or found a guy attractive before.

"Mr. Kim"

I mean the whole strangers facade, was pretty cute. Almost an emo style but still adorable.

"Mr.  _ Kim _ !"

Maybe I'm bisexual? or pan-sexual? I mean, I pretty much like everyone-

" _ Kim Mingyu! _ " The teacher practically yelled across the room.

"Y-yes ma'am?" I stutter out, while the class snickers around me.  _ So embarrassing _ .

"Since you were paying  _ so much _ attention to what I just taught, could you come do the problem on the board?" Mrs. Lee asks rhetorically. I then stand up to walk to the board. Jeonghan and a few others give me looks of sympathy, while others continue to snicker. Little do they know, math is my best subject.

When I get to the board I look and observe the "new" problem. 

The problem reads: 

Let g(x,y)g(x,y) be a function such that:

  1. −1II. ln(1+g(x,y)1−g(x,y))+2ytan−1(yg(x,y))=2(y2+1)x,



ln(1+g(x,y)1−g(x,y))+2ytan−1(yg(x,y))=2(y2+1)x,

for x∈R,y>1.x∈R,y>1.

Then

  1. Show that g(x,y)g(x,y) is increasing in x.x.
  2. Find limy→∞g(x,y).



iii. Show that g(x,y)g(x,y) is differentiated.

  1. Find limy→∞∂∂xg(x,y).



I then smirk.  _ Easy _ . I begin to solve to problem and about half way through I hear the door open and shut quietly. I then hear a few whispers, but I continue to finish the problem "Oh nice of you to show, once Mr. Kim explains the answer I'll find you a seat." Mrs. Lee, explains as I am about to begin my explanation. While finishing a few steps at the end, I began to explain my answer.

"Okay, so first we distinguish between three cases

  1. x>0x>0



Divide the whole equation by y2,y2, and find, as tan−1tan−1 is bounded, limy→∞ln(1+g1−g)y2=2x.limy→∞ln(1+g1−g)y2=2x. This implies that limy→∞ln(1+g1−g)=+∞,limy→∞ln(1+g1−g)=+∞, thus limy→∞g(x,y)=1.limy→∞g(x,y)=1."

As I finish the last bit of the problem, I turn completely around to face the class. My eyes then meet the same creamy cat-like ones from this morning and my mind goes blank. "T-then, um, s-step two, you..." I began to stutter like I did this morning and frantically try to look away from his gaze but it's just so hard. The stranger is now wearing a school uniform and I'm going crazy. He actually looks stunning. He then looks around nervously then back to me while scratching the back of his neck. _ Holy crap _ . With his beanie gone I can see his hair more clearly. It's placed on his head in a wavy mess but still looks put together.  _ Cute _ .

**_RING RING RING_ **

"You're saved by the bell this time, Mr. Kim," The teacher starts, "but by the looks of the answer on the board I'd say you did it  _ perfectly _ . Good Job." She finishes, while patting me on the back, which brings me out of the hold 'cat-eyes' had me in, as I turn to face Mrs. Lee. I then bow and say a quick thank you.

As I look back to where the mysterious stranger was, I notice the he's nowhere in sight. I then quickly walk back to my desk and gather my belongings, not wanting him to get too far away. When I finally step into the hallway, I frantically look down both ends of the busy corridors. " _ Shit _ " I whisper to myself when I find no signs of the handsome stranger.

●●

My mind is racing by the time I get to my next class, History. Since we have a substitute today, we don't actually do any work in class. Which gives me the perfect excuse to let my brain wreck itself. _Why was he here?, Is he the new student?, What's his name?, Does he remember me from this morning?, Why do his eyes make me weak._

Forty-five minutes pass in a blink of an eye and the bell for lunch rings.  _ Finally! _ I think to myself.  _ I've got to get to the bottom of this! You can't get away that easy, Mr. cat-eyes _ .


	4. The First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Mingyu is a mess and Wonwoo is terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hello! I'm back from vacation! I hope you enjoy the update. Anyways You guys should check out the second book to this series "Too Loud". The book is set in Wonwoo's point of view! Remember guys all my stories are cross posted on Asian Fanfics (AFF) and Wattpad. Until Then! ^-^

Friends. A thing that you don't necessarily need, but it is something that some people crave. Or maybe some people have pushy parents who just want 'the best' for their kids, suburban parents force play dates, so their special baby can grow up in the 'right crowd'. Or maybe the parents don't care at all and they never cared who their child became close to.  Growing up I was lucky enough to just drift into certain friendships, like how I met Jihoon and Soonyoung when I was in middle school and they introduced me to Joshua, Seungcheol, and Jun. Then I met Vernon and DK the following year. Ever since then, I just made some acquaintances throughout the years, like Seungkwan, Minghao, and Jeonghan, who's the only person that talks to me in my senior math class.

I may have a smaller friend group than most, but I know that everyone that is in my little circle will always have my back and I hope they all know that I'll have theirs.

●●

As I'm racing through the hallways, I accidentally run into a couple of people. "Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry."  _ I hope DK is already at lunch. I need to know more about this Jeon person. _

Entering the crowded and noisy cafeteria, I slow down my pace so I can scout out where my friends decided to sit today. While I'm frantically looking for any signs of my group, someone calls for me.

"Yah! Mingyu! Over here!" Soonyoung yells across the large room, while waving one arm and unintentionally gathering attention from others. Then I see and hear a grumpy Jihoon sluggishly hit Soonyoung while complaining equally as loud. "Will you  _ please  _ stop yelling!" Soonyoung then replies, "You know, we've been together for three and a half years and you are  _ still  _ so harsh on me." Muttering the last part, he lightly rubs where Jihoon 'hit' him. As I near the table, I notice multiple students turn their heads towards me with a mixture of confused looks or giggling smirks. I bow my head in embarrassment and make my way through the crowd. Wow, for a couple, they sure do know how to make a scene.

●●

Soonyoung and Jihoon have been together ever since freshmen year, honestly I don't even know how they've managed for this long. But I have seen some adorable moments shared between the odd couple. Soonyoung likes to spoil Jihoon and Jihoon is only a softy for Soonyoung. Everyone in the group actually has bets on when they are going to elope. When we're all out together, I watch the two interact sometimes. How they mindlessly intertwine fingers while walking or share quiet whispers and secret giggles. How Soonyoung strokes Jihoon hair when the latter is sleepy and when Soonyoung is upset Jihoon does  _ everything  _ in his power to make him feel better. Seeing all of their interactions and love fest makes me completely and undeniably jealous.

●●

Today my friends chose one of the round tables in front of the large windowed walls that look out to the spacious courtyard.

As I sit down in one of the empty seats beside Vernon, I remember the returned note and begin to pull it out of my bag. "So do you guys know where DK is?" I say as I'm looking around the table, while still digging in my bag.

"I think he said something about having to talk to the principal about the fight that happened this morning." Jihoon lazily says while leaning on his boyfriend's shoulder and messing with the steamy noodles on his tray. Across the table,  Jun and Seungcheol both nod their heads in agreement.

Letting out a sigh, I turn my head to Vernon who is starring off with a blank face.  _ Wow, should I even give this back to him? He looks so out of it.  _ I think to myself. I carefully begin to speak, "Hey man, I talked to Seungkwan today" his face comes back to life, with a small smile, as he turns his body to face me. I continue talking, "(He), um, actually wanted me to give you this." I finish while holding out the folded letter. He looks  _ so  _ happy at first, then he looks to my hand that holds the letter. My heart breaks a little as I watch his face fall into a confused frown. "Um, he thinks you, uh, actually left this on his desk on accident." The whole table is now silent and Vernon is just holding the paper quietly.

"How would he even know to give it back to me?"

Jun then reaches quickly over the table and snatches the letter out of Vernon's loose hands. "Hey giv-" he begins to protest.

"Vernon you're such an idiot! You didn't even put your or Seungkwan's name on the letter!" He begins to chuckle, then continues. "Dude, of course he would think it was an accident!" Jun gets out in between laughs.

"But how can he know it was me who put it on his desk!" Vernon tries to argue.

Jun is quick to reply "Seungkwan, or someone he probably knows, might have seen you place it on his desk!" Joshua and Soonyoung begin to laugh, while Jihoon rolls his eyes. I look at Seungcheol, who is shaking his head while smiling, but over his shoulder something catches my eyes.

_ Him _

Standing quickly, I knock my chair to the ground. "Dude what the hell?" Someone says behind me, I probably hit them with my chair. As I'm watching, I see him walking through the doors to the court yard. "Mingyu, are you okay?" Seungcheol asks in a worried tone.

Picking up my bag and trying to pick my chair up without losing sight of the stranger I stutter out a reply. "Uhh, y-yeah. I'll just.." I stop to make sure he is heading outside. "...I'll just see you guys in gym class." While I'm quickly walking away I hear Vernon begin to whine. "Guys! what do I do now~" Everyone responds with a unison groan.

●●

While I'm pushing past people to get through the cafeteria, I don't even bother saying sorry or excuse me. I only have one thing on my mind and that is to catch up with the mysterious stranger. I finally approach the side doors that lead to the outside. Pushing them open, I notice that there's no one in sight. "Shit." I mutter to myself. A shiver runs across my body due to the chilled weather. Even though the sun's shining, the wind has begun to pick up.

While I'm anxiously walking around the vacant area, I finally spot something, I see someone's legs from behind one of the towering and ancient oak trees. I slowly begin to make my way towards the large tree. I notice the person is leaning against the tree with their legs laid out in front of them, with a book lightly gripped in one hand. As I'm approaching, I try to get a better look at the book.

_ The Great Gatsby _

It's him! I begin to feel nervous, like my insides are swarming with fluttering butterflies. I slowly walk until I'm right beside him. My mind is completely blank. "Hi. My name is Mingyu, I was wondering if I could, um..." I clear my throat and continue. "S-sit here or..." He doesn't speak or look up from his novel. I tilt my head a little to the side. "Excuse me?" I try again and then promptly notice he has his headphones in. I take in a deep calming breath and decide to just sit down anyways. Mimicking his actions, I also stretch my legs out. After what feels like hours, but is nothing but mere seconds I hear a soft thud. I look down to see his book and hands lying loosely on his lap. 

_ He must have fallen asleep,  _ I think to myself before I begin to lean on my knees and reach out to steady him by putting my hands on either side of him. Our faces are only a foot apart now, making it easier to notice the way his shaggy dark bangs fall perfectly across his forehead, only slightly covering his eyes, it frames his face naturally. I let my eyes trace over his sharp jaw line, tall nose bridge, and his slightly parted lips... they're so pale.

He's beautiful.

Blinking a couple times my mind begins to race. I don't even know what I'm doing. As I tilt my head to get a closer look, I also reach my hand out to move his fringe. Right before my hand can even make contact, I hear him breathe in deeply and slowly lift his head.  _ Shit shit shit shit shit. Why can't I move!  _ When his eyes finally meet my wide, panicking,  pair-

"WHAT THE HELL!" A deep voice yells out. He then tries to quickly scoot away, book now forgotten on the ground, but ends up banging the back of his head on the sturdy oak. "Uuuhhgg" he then squeezes his eyes shut and holds the back of his head.

I frantically reach my hands out to try and soothe the pain. Moving his hands out of the way, I begin to gently rub the pads of my fingers in his already swollen scalp. He then scrunches up his nose in what I could guess is pain.  _ Cute. _ "Um, could you please get off of me..." the surprisingly deep voice shakily asks. I then realize how awkward of a situation I'm in and my cheeks begin to burn again. I hastily scoot back and lean on my calves, while letting my hands wring nervously in my lap.

While looking down, I begin to think about how terrible my first impression might seem. He probably thinks I'm some creep now. Great. Oh my god, what if he thinks I'm a pervert! While thinking of all the other ways this guy could hate me, I hear him clear his throat. I then hastily look up and lock my terrified eyes with his calm yet nervous ones, almost like he's unsure of what to do. The sunlight that is shining through the leaves catches in his eyes, making them appear even more mesmerizing.  _ Wow. _

"Hi! I'm Kim Mingyu and I'm a Junior!" I practically yell out while reaching my sweaty hand out. He then takes a headphone out and I then realize that he probably didn't hear me. "Oh. My name is Ki-"

"I heard you when you were yelling out your introduction the first time..." He quietly says, while taking out the other headphone and picking up the fallen book. He then looks at my hand and asks, "Why are you shaking?", while moving his eyes to my face. I then bring my hand down and hastily drag both hands on my uniformed thighs. Only one word can describe the atmosphere.

Awkward.

"Sorry, um, for scaring you..." I say, while watching him mess with the book in his hands. "Also, sorry for this morning, I honestly wasn't paying attention while I was walking." When I finish, I'm amazed that I didn't completely fumble my words out like an idiot. As I'm waiting for him to speak, a crisp burst of wind brushes his hair back from his eyes, causing him to scrunch his nose up again. "Cute." I whisper to myself.

"What?" His head shoots up with wide eyes. Oh my god did I really just say that out loud! 

"Name!" I make up a quick cover up. "I said name."  _ I can not believe I just said that out loud _ !  _ I'm so stupid _ ! I think to myself.

"Oh" His face slowly relaxes. "Um, Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo." He quietly says.

"Wonwoo." I let his name slip through my lips for the first time and decide that I like the way it feels, sounds, and how it suits him. As I'm sitting in the silence for what feels like eternity, I take in his entire existence. The way his slightly overgrown hair keeps falling into his eyes. How his cheekbones seem to naturally poke out and the fine jaw line, tracing out and forming his face. But when my eyes travel down to the nervous wreck that are his hands, the cuffs of the school uniform begin to ride up, revealing trails of scars that I probably was never meant to see.

...Self-harm scars.

My breath hitches just slightly and my mind can hardly keep up. I slowly begin to reach my hand towards his shaking ones. But my curiosity is short lived when Wonwoo quickly stands up and begins to gather his belongings. "W-wait, where are you going?!" I hastily ask and he continues to pack up. "I, Uh, want to get to know you!" These seven words actually stop him.


	5. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Mingyu can't control his hands, Jun gets hit with the love bug, and Sooyoung and Jihoon love eachother too much.
> 
> A/N Hey Guys!!! I AM SOOOOO SORRY I'M LATE! I had really bad writer's block, but don't worry I know where I'm heading with the story now ^-^ Anyways if you haven't already, GO READ Wonwoo's P.O.V. of the story in Too Loud. Also leave a comment of telling me your thoughts :D It really helps me write when I know what you guys think <3 As always thank you for reading and until next time enjoy! (^0^)

"What?" His voice is low and a little scratchy, almost like he never uses it. Wonwoo stands completely still and I do not even dare to move. I feel like even the slightest movement, could possibly shatter and scare him away if I did so. My mouth is gaping open, at a loss for words. I'm not even sure what I want from him. Well I do know that I  _ want  _ him, but I'm not just gonna tell him that. So for now I want to get to know everything about him. His favorite color, food, choice of novel, his birthday, why he secludes himself from others, and what he thinks of me. I want to know what's going on in his mind.

"I want to get to know you." I say, sitting up a little straighter, confidently and without hesitation. The quiet one finally turns around and looks straight into my eyes. While he continues to look at me, I notice the confusion and surprise in his facial features. There is still something that is bothering me with this reaction though. Why is he confused, is the first thing. The second is why he is so hesitant into letting someone in. Maybe there is a deeper meaning to his whole being.

_ Wow, I sound so lame right now...but seriously he's acting like he's never had a friend before. I mean, come on. _

I'm not sure how long we stay staring at each other, but what pulls us out of our trance is the shrieking sound of the school bell, signaling that lunch is now over.  _ What impeccable timing you have today _ . I think inwardly to myself.

Wonwoo's the first one to break eye contact, as he frantically turns around to gather the rest of his stuff. I begin to panic, thinking I'll never have another chance to talk to him. Which is stupid to think, because we go to the same school, but I can already tell that this guy likes to stay completely off the radar. 

All of a sudden, my arm is moving on it’s own accord and reaches out to grab Wonwoo’s blazer cuff. The expensive fabric slides in between my fingers for a split second before I tighten my hold completely. I feel a tug, as if I caught my prey and they’re desperate to leave. I then bring my eyes up to see what his reaction would be and to my surprise he looks like he’s about to bolt out of my presence.

_What the hell Mingyu?! Let the poor guy leave, he obviously doesn’t want to be near you!_ My brain begins to harshly yell. Retracting my hand quickly, I hold my wrist to my chest with my other hand, afraid it would do something on it’s own again.

In a blink of an eye, Wonwoo is gone and in the corner of my downcast gaze, I can see him open the side door to the school and rush into the crowd, drifting along with the students.

_ Don't worry you'll see him again, so get over it. It's not the end of the world. _

After giving myself a little pep talk, I let out a sigh and stand up from the ground, brushing the non existent dust off my pants and stretching my stiff limbs out a little in the process. Lifting my arms over my head, I let out a little groan. After I feel and hear a satisfying click, I drop my arms heavily back down to my sides and bend down to grab my backpack, which is still laying in the chilled grass.

●●

My next class is gym, which is good because I actually enjoy the exercise, unlike most of my friends. It helps me clear my non stop thoughts and I find the physical activities to be relaxing. And plus, it's always nice to spend the hour hanging out with my friends. Kind of. Okay well,  _ I  _ mostly enjoy gym class, my  _ friends _ , not so much.

Jun and DK mostly fuck around doing god knows what, which usually leads to the both of them getting into some kind of trouble. Joshua tries to participate...sometimes...but it usually ends up with him falling down while trying to simply kick a ball or accidently throwing the baseball bat out of his hands while swinging. Vernon just watches Seungkwan the entire time, no matter what we’re doing that day. 

Seungcheol is the only one, along with me, who likes gym class, but he’s more of a ‘hardcore’ type of person when it comes to any kind of sport or activity. Sooyoung mostly just tries to get Jihoon to participate in class and Jihoon pretty much refuses to do anything but rest his head on Sooyoung’s lap to take a nap, much to the youngers dismay. But when Jihoon spontaneously does decide to participate, he basically beats everyone's ass in any kind of game we decide to play that day.

●●

As I am rounding the corner to the gym building, I hear what sounds like papers falling to the ground, coming from up ahead. 

“-oh um. S-Sorry uh, I didn't mean to run i-in to you.” A shy ,timid, yet familiar voice begins to speak.  _ I swear I've heard that voice before.  _  I shift my head around the corner of the building I'm up against, to get a better look of what's happening. My eyes widen a little, because what I'm currently seeing is a pretty confusing sight.

I see Minghao, from my first period, laying on the ground, fallen worksheets are spread out everywhere and my friend, Jun, hovering over the poor kid, with both hands on either side of Minghao’s face, to help support himself up. Both of their eyes are practically popping out of there heads, from what I guess is shock. 

While I'm standing there, anticipating what will happen next, there is complete silence.  _ Wow, I don't have any idea what I'd do in a situation like that.  _ My thoughts are cut short when Jun decides to speak up.

“You have beautiful eyes.” His voice comes out clear as day and strangely low. I mentally and physically facepalm, because he's so embarrassingly stupid. Also, Minghao looks like he's about to die of embarrassment. I don't think I've ever seen someone's face so red before. “What's your name? I don't think I've seen you around before.” Jun asks while he's  _ still  _ hovering over Minghao. Honestly, for the many years I have know Jun, I've never  _ heard or seen _ him so serious. But on the other hand, he's also scaring the shit out of the Chinese boy, who is currently trapped underneath him.

I decide to intervene, because one, Jun is making a complete fool of himself. Two, I think Minghao is about to pass out. And three, I don't want to be late for gym class. Moving out completely from my little corner, I make my way to the awkward scene ahead of me. 

Coming up behind Jun, I grab his blazer by the collar and begin to yank him up. “Oh, there you are Junnie!” I begin to nonchalantly say, while ignoring his surprised yelp. “I have been looking  _ all  _ over for you!” I pull him away from the scene and head towards the gym doors, leaving Minghao, who is frantically picking up the scattered worksheets and running the opposite way.

“The hell, Mingyu! Let go of me!” He begins to protest, while I'm practically dragging him away. “I just want to know his name!” I roll my eyes and continue to walk, ignoring his whiny complaints.

“His name's Minghao. Now can you just chill and shut up.” I mumble out while pushing open the double doors and leading us to the changing rooms.

“Omo! Do you know who he is? What grade is he in? Is he dating anyone? Why does he have an accent? Is he from here?” 

I let out a sigh. I shouldn't have said anything. 

“Do you have any classes with him? Are you two friends? Can you introduce me? Does he-”

“Oh my god! Yes, I'll introduce you! Just  _ please  _ shut up!” This shuts him up completely. I then look towards him and he has a grin on his face. “Now shoo! Go get changed.” I turn him around by the shoulders and push him towards his locker.

I turn back around towards my open locker and let out a sigh, trying to calm down.

“The hell is his problem?” I jump at the sudden voice and whip my head to where I heard the lazy grumble. To my (not so)surprise it's just Soonyoung and Jihoon sitting on the bench, with the latter's head resting on the youngers lap. They're both already changed into their athletic attire and probably just waiting for class to start. 

I look towards Jihoon, who's waiting expectantly for my answer. “Long story short, I think Jun just fell in love.” I say, blinking my eyes tiredly and beginning to take my uniform off, while turning around. 

Sooyoung let's out a choked laugh and shakes his head in disbelief. “That guy has never been attracted to anyone or any _ thing _ !” He lets out in between laughs. Jihoon nods his head in agreement and closes his eyes, probably to continue his nap. The younger begins to calm down and lets out an amused hum, while lifting his hand and placing it on his sleeping boyfriend's head. He then gazes down lovingly at Jihoon and begins to stroke his pink hair, softly. 

I just watch in jealousy and think ‘ _ What if one day I could do that with the one I'm head over heels for?’ _ . I then close my locker and sit beside the couple, so I can lace up my sneakers. 

“What is up my dudes!~” DK yells, while walking into the changing room. I look towards him with a smile and lift my hand up to give him a high five. I then look towards Jihoon and see his eyes slowly open, then he begins to shoot a nasty glare towards the towered idiot. 

“Can you for once just chill the fuck out?” Jihoon harshly whispers. His boyfriend then lowers his head down to the olders ear and whispers calming words. He also begins to remove his hand from Jihoon’s hair and takes hold of his curling fist, in an attempt to calm him down. 

“And can  _ you _ for once not get so snappy?” DK practically sings out while he begins to open his locker.

When I finish tying my shoes, I stand up. But I suddenly get hit with the acknowledgement that DK is here and I've been needing to ask him about what happened this morning. I whip my head quickly and reach out and grab onto DK’s shoulders, hastily turning him around. “I need to know what happened this morning!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dude at least let me put a shirt on!” I then look down at his exposed chest and then up back towards his smiling eyes and just continue to stare at him, waiting to hear the story. “Okay, okay, just seriously let me put my clothes on.” 

I released my grip on him and stand, impatiently, to the side. I then notice the door swing open, revealing Mr.Sung, the coach.

“Come on boys! Let's head to the track! We're just doing some laps today!” He yells out while clapping his hands to get our attention. Throughout the whole changing room, I hear multiple groans and complaints. They should know by now, that on Thursdays we always do things that involve the track. “Mr.Lee Jihoon! I want to see at least  _ one  _ lap from you.” Even that request seems impossible, because Jihoon looks completely done with everybody's shit today.

“ _ Just some laps, you got this Joshua. There's no way you can mess up!” _

I turn my head to the side to see Joshua rounding the corner and heading out the door, while giving himself a pep talk. 

He's definitely going to find a way to fuck up something as simple as running a track.

Seungcheol and Jun follow closely behind Joshua in amusement of the latter's self motivation. DK then slams his locker shut and lightly shoves me out of the way. “Jun wait up! I have an idea!” Oh god, here we go again. “Do you know where coach keeps all the ping pong balls?” “Oh and the sesame seed oil you had at lunch! Where did you put that?!” That’s the last thing I hear before the door shuts and I’m left with the old married couple. 

“Come on baby, you need to at least go outside.” Soonyoung says calmly while stroking the little one’s hair. Jihoon rolls his head over towards his boyfriend and groans. “Can't we just stay in here and sleep?” Soonyoung begins to chuckle lightly and I decide to leave the changing rooms, giving them some privacy.

●●

  
As I’m heading outside, a sudden chill runs down my spine and that gives me a boost of calmness. The chilled weather, occasional gusts of wind, and the shining sunlight, is all I need at this moment to clear my head. Reaching into my pocket I pull out my phone and the tangled headphones that I’d brought with me to run with. I then select a calming playlist and begin to run.


	6. Memories and Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories are a big part of the chap.
> 
>  
> 
> 4k words WOW this is a huge chapter XD All I gotta say is, next chapter is a fluff fest! leave in the comments of what you think is going to happen! If you read Wonwoo's POV I think you could probably figure it out. ;) Until next time enjoy! ^^

The brisk run clears my mind of today's worries and I’m back to feeling somber and content. I can’t really explain why the physical activity affects me the way it does, the best _word_ I can describe it as, though, is release. Simple as that.

 As we all begin to file back into the building in a sweaty and out of breath heap, I see Jun and DK run ahead of me with something in each of their hands. _You can’t be serious_ … I thought DK was just joking earlier, guess I was obviously wrong.

 “Lee Seokmin!”

 “I would rather you call me DK.” He retorts calmly.

“You’d better not take one more step!” The coach yells as we enter the locker room to change back into our uniforms.

Seungcheol, who's walking beside me, let's out a sigh and decides to speak up. “I tried to talk DK out of doing it. I told him about how he'll get caught... _just_ like last time... _and_ the time before that one.” He shakes his head like an upset father and continues. “He just doesn't listen to me anymore.” Seungcheol then lightly grips my shoulder, while we are still walking, and asks, “Did I raise him wrong? Why is he rebelling? Is it because he doesn’t have another parent figure in his life other than me? Do I need to find a partner? Life is too hard being a single father!”

I let out a chuckle and roll my eyes at how dramatic he's being then stop at my locker to change clothes, but not before I put in my opinion. “Seungcheol. If you wanted to have a _partner_...” I say while making air quotations with my hands. “...then you would have already found someone by now. I swear you are _the_ pickiest person when it comes to relationships.”

He scoffs playfully at my remark and walks to his own locker while mumbling ‘ _You’re one to talk… And I am_ ** _not_** _picky!’_

“Put down the bucket of ping-pong balls right this minute and walk straight to my office!” Mr. Sung begins to speak again and I look towards the entrance to see DK slowly put down a large faded blue bucket; behind him is Jun, who is trying to slip a bottle of sesame seed oil under his track hoodie while slowly moving away. “Can we have at least one week of gym class without any shenanigans from you? And how did you even get into the supply room?” Mr. Sung asks with actual curiosity in his voice. “I was sure that I had locked it before...” He mumbles the last bit as he let's DK into his office and shuts the door quietly behind him.

_Man, he really does never learn._

I turn towards my locker and begin to take off my shoes and sweatpants. I scrunch up my nose at the overwhelming stench of the items and begin to consider bringing the gym clothes home to wash; they smell like death with a hint of stale cologne. Once I slip my hoodie off I bring the worn maroon fabric up to my nose. My lips are now pursed up and I shut my eyes in disgust. Yep, definitely time for a wash.

“Hi, I'm looking for Choi Seungcheol.” A quiet, almost nurturing voice begins to speak, while talking to no one in particular. _Where have I heard that voice before?_

“His locker is on the other side, it should be one of the last ones.” I hear Soonyoung speak up and direct the familiar voice towards Seungcheol’s location. I turn my head slightly and then the rest of my body as I notice the figure passing by me. An average height male with silver shoulder length hair, mischievous eyes and a soft smile moves in front of me.

_Oh._

“Hey, Mingyu.” Jeonghan, from my calculus class, says in passing while bowing his head ever so slightly, enough to have a bit of his bangs fall into his face. I watch as he rounds the corner to the lockers towards the back.

Wait, why is he looking for Seungcheol? My face scrunches up in confusion, because yeah, this happens often; people looking for him. But Yoon Jeonghan has never associated with my close friend… Whatever, I’ll probably hear about it later on today or tomorrow for sure.

I turn around and continue to change outfits, but I'm immediately interrupted by Jun slamming his hand obnoxiously hard onto one of the lockers to get my attention.

“Can everyone just stop being _so_ goddamn obnoxious today, oh my god!” Jihoon screeches out his last words before stomping out of the locker room with his boyfriend’s hand in his own. I watch them both leave out of the corner of my eye, but just as they’re about to be out the door Soonyoung stops the older and bends down a little to whisper something in the shorter one’s ear with a frown. Jihoon takes one look at Soonyoung face and then reluctantly turns around. “Sorry.” The word comes out of his mouth with much difficulty, but once Soonyoung is back to smiling, the two of them finally head out.

I turn my head and look at Jun, who has now changed clothes, with an amused raised eyebrow. “Now that you have pissed Jihoon off, can I help you, _lover boy_?” I nonchalantly ask. Jun puts on his own amused smirk and leans his back against the maroon lockers.

“Yes, yes you can.” My laughter begins to fill the air, because he's being lame again.

“And what might that be?” I ask while sitting on the bench to tie my shoes.

“Okay so when is the soonest you can introduce me to the beautiful,...” _Oh man he's about to start this again._ “Breathtaking, fascinating, exquisite, gorgeous, wonderful, and oh so soft, Minghao?” He asks in a hopeful voice. He lets out a quiet chuckle and looks back up at me.

I shut my locker whilst swinging my backpack onto my shoulders and begin to walk towards the exit just as the bell rings. I then turn to make sure Jun is following and I see him close behind with his own bag in hand.

“Hmm, well I only see him first period, so tomorrow or perhaps Monday.” I say while jokingly stroking my chin as if I have an overgrown beard. “You’re pretty eager for someone who you just found out existed literally an _hour_ ago.”

Looking out of my peripheral vision to see his reaction, I notice that he's actually contemplating if he wants to be introduced to the Chinese boy tomorrow or Monday. “Um, which do you think would be better?” He asks with an unsure tone and slowing down his pace just by a little. “M-maybe I _shouldn’t_ introduce myself…” This makes me a bit concerned because Jun is, for the most part, a very confident and straightforward person. So seeing this rare side, leaves him completely vulnerable and open for everyone to see.

I first met Wen Junhui when when I was twelve years old. The day itself sticks out vividly in my memory; it was during the summer I was going into the seventh grade.

●●

Jihoon, Soonyoung, and I were all messing around in the town's local park. I remember the weather was excruciatingly scorching, and I'm talking, like, blazing hot. So you could probably imagine just how sweaty, sticky, and all around disgusting the three of us were, and if anyone were to get a first impression of us at that moment, it would’ve been terrible from the first glance. And with the summer came any and all terrible allergies one could think of, you named it I had it; snotty/congested nose dribbling down my face, itchy eyes, and lots of sneezing... So, let's just come to a conclusion that at that moment, I was probably _the most_ repulsive looking little kid within a five mile radius. Well, I say _little,_ but I was quite tall for a twelve year old; by that age I was already towering over most of my peers and friends.

We decided to play hide and seek, and to decided who got to be the seeker we played one fair round of rock, paper, scissors. The winner of the round was Soonyoung, but for some reason Jihoon was _determined_ to play the seeker, so he started to argue that Soonyoung had cheated and the whole situation snowballed from there and became a huge unnecessary mess.

After twelve more useless rounds of rock, paper, scissors, Jihoon had finally won and claimed his seeker position. So, with great frustration and a sweaty forehead I went and hid. I ran with all I had, like I was actually running for my life. Well with Jihoon’s competitive nature and how fired up he probably was then, he might’ve just hunted us down like a lion with his prey.

I continued to run for around what felt like an eternity but was only a mere three minutes, until I had finally found a hiding spot in the tree line near the edge of the park. I settled halfway behind a bush and I remember the bush being a different color than the rest of the bushes around me, but I didn't put much thought into it. So anyways, I chilled in that spot for a while, maybe around ten minutes or more and then I noticed a figure a few yards ahead coming towards my direction.

“Are you an _idiot…_ You know that’s _poison ivy_ , right?” And those are the first words Jun had ever spoken to me.

“...Are you sure?” I Questioned, while I unknowingly scratched my forearms.

“I’m pretty sure...and you’re it!” He had said while dragging his hand quickly across where I had just scratched my arm. Turns out while I was crouching in a bush, for God knows how long, Soonyoung and Jihoon had became friends with Jun and invited him to play. Funny how kids can make friends so easily and then those special few follow you throughout the rest of your life.

That day ended with me being severely itchy for three days and I had also transferred my poison ivy to Jun, Jihoon, _and_ Soonyoung. Jun may have known the plant was in fact poison ivy, but little did he know that it could very easily be spread.

●●

I look towards Jun as we are stepping into the congested hallways of our school. I see ernesty and worriedness, at the same time, written all over his naturally pale face, almost like he is dreading, yet anticipating, my answer. I then let out a sigh and scan the crowd for an exit; as I spot one up ahead, I lightly grab Jun’s arm and drag him to the side of the corridor where there is less people. My Literature class will have to wait.

Letting go of his arm I tilt my head to the side a little to look into his face, since his head is faced towards the floor. “What are so you scared of Jun? You never act this way.” I ask in a concerned tone, but he continues the staring battle with his shoes without a reply. “We’ve been close friends for about six years, I know when something is bothering you. Plus, you were acting all flowers and sunshines literally ten minutes ago.”

No response.

I decide to try and lighten the mood. “Just last period you and DK were fucking around on the track with goddamn ping pong balls and sesame seed oil. And coach only got mad at freaking _DK_! He didn’t even get on to you!” This gets a smile from the Chinese boy; small and barely noticeable, but a smile nonetheless. In a softer tone, I ask again, “So tell me what’s wrong.”

He stays quiet, biting at his lips a little while trying to think of a response and after a few seconds he gives me one.

“... I’m… just. Just scared. _Terrified_ even.” He takes a shaky breath, almost like he’s ready to cry, and continues, “I… I’ve never felt like this before… Like this whole heart pounding, butterflies in the stomach, and all that other cliche crap, I have never felt _any_ of these feelings and all for a _guy,_ too!”

This exact response brings my mind racing back to every moment I’ve had with Wonwoo. To this morning on the sidewalk; deep/somber cat eyes, cold puffs of white air, The Great Gatsby, and a black beanie. Calculus class; a breathtaking visual in the damn school uniform, chocolate tousled hair, and an endless staring contest. Finally lunch; shimmering sunlight caught all over his milky skin, surprised expressions, deep voices, crisp wind, first impressions, wrist scars, and almost promises. Each and every one of these scenes plays in my head like an old movie film in fast forward, swirling with life and raw color.

But I push all of those thoughts abruptly aside, because right now Jun needs my help.

I stay silent and look at him with furrowed eyebrows, general pity, and concern, because in all the years we’ve been friends, I have never _once_ seen Wen Junhui like this. He then scratches his nape and finally makes eye contact with me. “I know I only said like a few sentences to Minghao, but it feels like I’ve known him for years and know everything about him, I-I don’t really know what I’m talking about…” He lets out a nervous chuckle before continuing. “All I know is that when I looked into his eyes...I felt something I’ve never felt before and I’m just scared of it…”

His voice becomes almost nonexistent as he finishes what he  needed to say. Lifting my arm, my hand slowly begins to make small and comforting circles onto Jun’s wide shoulders.

There’s not much that I _can_ do for him, I know most of my words would just go through one ear and out the other at this point and it’s not like I know exactly how he’s feeling right now, because I _don’t_. Yes, I feel that there is a connection with me and a certain deep voiced boy, but what Jun is describing to me about his feelings towards Minghao, I have never felt. I feel as if I am counseling a patient with no cure to my own knowledge and it upsets me because I’m the type of person who wants to help as much as possible.

“This is something you have to think about yourself,” I finally begin to speak. “I can’t be the one to make your decisions for you. But if I was in your situation, I would just get to know him first, okay?” A smile begins to bloom onto Jun’s face.

_Man is this really all it took to get him out of his pitty pit? Whatever, I’ll go with it._

“Now let's get to class!” I say a little too excitedly while aggressively slapping my hand down onto Jun’s shoulder a couple times, this catches passing students attention and they give the two of us strange looks. But as Jun lets out and excited “Hell yeah!” none of the glances and stares even matter, I’m just glad my friend is happy.

●●

I arrive in my Literature class _a little late_ and this happens probably more than it should. Since the athletic building is on the other side of the school, I usually come in a few minutes after the bell rings. I quietly open the door and notice that Mr. Park, the teacher, is facing the board and not even paying attention to the opening door. Cautiously, I make my way to my seat, thinking of a plausible excuse, but just as-

“Mr. Kim”

Shit

“I know you're about to spew out an excuse of _why_ you are late, like “ _the coach was extra hard on us today and made us do_ ** _extra hard_** _cardio for gym._ ” or “ _A teacher stopped me in the hallway._ ”, oh and my personal favorite “ _My lunch wasn’t setting well with me, so I stopped by the bathroom._ ”

 _Shit,_ **_I do_ ** _use that one a lot._

“So save whatever you are thinking of for another time, just go to the front office and get a tardy slip. Maybe an after school detention will help you figure out why you're _always late_ to my class, because I sure can not solve that one.” He tells me while still facing the board, not even letting me slip in a single word. And geeze someone is sassy today.

I may have said I'm late quite often,  but I never said that Mr. Park was ever thrilled by this.

I stare back at the middle aged teacher with a pleading look, while silently hoping he will give in just this once and let it slide. But of course my luck corresponds with the rest of today's events and bites me in the ass. “Go on. Shoo shoo.” He hastily says as I'm standing there in disbelief. Reluctantly I turn around and head to the front office.

Even though I tried to sweet talk the office secretary (Who was practically emotionless might I add) I still ended up getting an after school detention for tomorrow, which just so happens to be Friday. Who the hell want's to be here any longer than they have to on a Friday? Not me, that's for sure.

After sulking through the rest on my Literature class with a scowl plastered on my face, I finally get to head home. Today has been stressful to say the least. From this morning’s run in with cat eyes, Vernon’s returned note, and my awkward first impression with Wonwoo at lunch… To helping Jun deal with his own problems and of course receiving my _first_ after school detention. Yeah, today has just been great, peachy, _fantastic_.

●●

Walking up to my house, I see how the years have made the huge structure seem more empty, more lonely, and this gets my memories flowing to times when my home _wasn't_ as quiet.

When I was in middle school, most of my friends envied my house. I remember Joshua, Soonyoung, Jihoon, Seungcheol, Jun, and sometimes Vernon (DK lived on the other side of town, making coming over an inconvenience) used to come over most days after school simply to sit in our Living room (which Jun proclaimed was practically as big as his own house), rather than actually enjoy my company. When Vernon would join us, it was always hard to drag him away from the fridge freezer (Jihoon often joked that we should just shut him in it, because hey, it was big enough for Vernon to probably live a pretty comfortable existence in there) – and then, Vernon would resort to smacking Jihoon ‘round the head with whatever was nearest: usually a cushion, or his sweater, but the time Jihoon retaliated and used Joshua's guitar as a weapon will always be memorable; basically a war would often erupt in my house. Of course while those two would be fighting, Soonyoung would be worried something might actually break or someone (Jihoon) would end up hurt. Seungcheol would eventually break up the little brawl with his strict tone and everything would settle down.

But there’s no way I could ever be envious of this house. The older I get, the bigger it seems to feel.

I notice my dad's car is already home and that’s a miracle in itself considering he never graces us with his presence until around seven or eight in the evening and it is currently only four o'clock. So someone please inform me why my father's charcoal Jaguar XF is parked neatly in our vast driveway.

I push open the front door and immediately hear soft voices echoing throughout the spacious house. I listen carefully, trying to make out the conversation, while I take my time with unlacing my shoes.

My mother's soft and concerned voice can be heard from somewhere in the house. “But where will Minseo stay and you _know_ Mingyu will probably starve to death, you know he’s not great with the whole cooking; well, at least I think he isn't.  I've never really seen him try.” Geez mom thanks, way to be on m-

Wait. What the hell are they talking about, ‘ _Where will Minseo stay’_ why is this concern of hers even in a conversation.

My father's deep voice then cuts my wondering thoughts short. “Minseo can stay at your mothers and so can Ming-”

“Even though I am scared he might give himself food poisoning I think he is capable of staying here alone for three days.”

“Okay then, we should probably now think about when we should tell the kids. How about at dinner tonight?”

“That's fine with me.”

Okay, enough, I need to know what is going on and I'm not waiting until dinner. I stand from my crouched position in front of the door and head towards the sound of their voices. Turns out my parents are sitting comfortably in the living room with two cups of tea placed neatly in front of them on the small rectangular table.

Stepping into the generously sized room and immediately both of their attention is on my expressionless face, like I haven’t heard a single word they’ve said so far.

“Oh sweetie, we did not hear you come in. Have a seat, we need to tell you something.” My mother’s calming voice lurs me completely into the room as I have a seat on one of the cushioned chairs across from both my parents. They give each other looks and I become impatient. I roll my tongue in my cheek, drumming my fingers against the underside of my chair. More out of a need to do something before I go insane with this silence, rather than any sort of impatience. “So your father has planned a trip for him and I!”

Oh. That’s it? Not surprising.

“We’ll be gone for three days, so we thought it would be best for your sister to stay at your grandmothers and for you stay here.” She then adds, “Unless you would prefer to go with Minseo?” In a sly tone, trying to have a go at me, but I become bored with the conversation since the news is nothing to big.

“I think I can take care of myself…” I begin to say while standing and heading towards my room, but not before turning around. “Oh and your kitchen will be safe. I won't _burn down_ the house or _poison_ myself.” With a smirk on my face I then turn completely around and continue down the hallway towards the stairs. I can hear my dad chuckle from the living room and a smacking sound can also be heard.

“Ow!” My fathers voices says around another round of laughter.

I sprint up the stairs, while grabbing the banister for support, and continue down the hallway before pushing my door open and closing it back with just as much force. I then slip my backpack off my shoulders and place the bag beside my organized desk. With a loud huff, my back lands on my soft and messy bed. I begin turning onto my side and bring my phone towards my face.

**10 Unread Messages**

**From: Seungcheol**

**Want to hang out with Soonhoon couple, DK, and I at Joshua's???**

**From: Jun**

**Thanks for today, rlly.**

**From: DK**

**Mingyu**

**From: DK**

**Mingyu**

**From: Jihoon**

**DK wont stop complaining! ISTG if you dont answer him**

**From: DK**

**Kim Mingyu**

**From: DK**

**ANSWER MING-HOE!!!!!**

**From: DK**

**Dude I got detention for friday ANNND monday OTL**

**From: Joshua**

**DK wants to know why you’re not answering him.**

**From: Vernon**

**Want to go to the coffee shop after school tomorrow!!!? I think Seungkwan said something about going there and to the mall afterwards...**

**From: Vernon**

**I just dont want to be alone looking like some creep :p**

My friends actually have a life outside of school these days. Me, well I'm content with staying at home. I think the last time I did something after school was about a month ago, when I had went to Vernon and Seungcheol’s last soccer game of the season. In fact all my friends and I met up at the stadium to cheer them on. That night our school had won and I left the bleachers with a buzz of excitement running through my veins. But I haven't felt that ‘buzz’ since then.

I lower my arm, and rest the phone on my forehead, closing my eyes. The air inside my room feels really cold –bleak and crisp– and I pull up my sheets sighing to myself. A shiver runs down my spine, and there’s uncomfortable goosebumps forming on the back of my exposed neck. I drop my phone onto my pillow, with approximately zero intention of replying back to the messages and moving from this spot for the next hour or so.

Snuggling closer into my pillow, I close my eyes and drift further into a dreamless state, but before I completely fade out, a certain pair of eyes are welcomed into my thoughts.


	7. The Thing About Feelings Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Homophobic slurs and Mentions of past self harm.
> 
> Wonwoo and Mingyu take baby steps.

_The calming sun peaks through the clouds high in the evening sky, while slowly beginning to hide away for the night to come. I lay flat on soft grass, but something is off. I can't feel the supposed breeze that's moving the tiny cream colored daisies beside me._

_Strange._

_I look back up towards the vast clouds and lose myself in the swirling oranges and barely noticeable blues of the afternoon sky. But everything is still strange because I don't remember coming to this… place. A forest? No, this field. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how I got here._

_A sudden sound of movement comes from beside me and pulls me out of my thoughts. Cautiously I turn my head to the left, while continuing to lay down._

_Pointed yet soft eyes, pale skin, and dark irises. Chocolate tousled hair and a tiny, barely noticeable, smile._

_“Wonwoo” His name comes out breathless and hushed, because that's how he makes me feel. Breathless._

_Beside me, also laying flat on the grassy field, is Jeon Wonwoo, the senior who I had recently met. The same person who I can't get out of my chaotic mind._

_Without breaking eye contact, I feel fingers intermingle with mine and then a thumb move over my knuckles reassuringly. It's then that I realize that I've been holding my breath; what for, I don't know, but this small gesture coming from him makes my mind feel at ease._

_“Mingyu… get up.” His deep voice sends a shiver down my clothed back._

_“I wanna lay here with you…” I reply back in a surprisingly pouty tone._

_Wait, why did I just say that in front of him… oh god that's embarrassing._

_“Just get up you big dumb_ **_tree_ ** _!” He harshly yells out in a high pitched tone. “And let me go!”_

_Wait, high pitched voice? What the hell is going on?_

_Oh Wonwoo wants to go somewhere? “Sure where do you want to go Wonwoo?” I ask with wistfulness._

_“Mingyu, I swear to god! If y-”_

●●

“-ou don’t get up!”

My eyes shoot open and quickly I realize whatever just happened was all a dream and I currently have a fuming and squirming Minseo in an iron grip hug.

Well that pretty much explains _everything._

Minseo then begins speaking through gritted teeth. “I'll say it one more time and if you _still_ don't move, I will scream so freaking loud that your grandkids will have hearing problems. Now let me the fuck go!” Minseo voice is piercing through my skull by the time I can even move myself away from her.

She scoots off my bed and steps back hastily. While patting down her, now wrinkled, uniform she's quick to speak. “God I come in here to tell you dinner’s ready and you start freaking hugging me!?”

“Hey you came in here at your own risk.” I accusingly say while pointing a finger. I then watch as she stares at me with an unimpressed expression.

“You really need to get yourself a girlfriend… or a dog, or anything really.” She says while looking off to nothing in particular, face set in a thinking mold and now _I’m_ the one sporting an unimpressed look. I then roll my eyes and pick up my phone to check the time.

_7:29 PM_

**9 Unread Messages:**

**5 DK**

**1 Jihoon**

**2 Vernon**

**1 Jun**

 

_Great._

_“_ I'll be down there in a minute.” I say without looking up from my phone, but I still see the outline of my sister leaving from my room nonetheless.

Dragging my thumb across the bright screen, I begin the grueling task of actually _replying_ to the messages I've ignored from before I fell asleep till now.

 

**From DK:**

**-Y wont u answer meee**

**-Ok i get it our friendship means nothing 2 u**

**-Just kidding it doesnt bother me!**

**-Okay yes it does plz answer**

**-If u dont answer me, you wont get to know about the new and juicy gossip! It has to do with our dad ;)**

 

**To DK:**

**-Oh god what did Seungcheol do?**

**-and yeah I also have after school detention tomorrow ;_;**

 

 _Maybe whatever gossip with Seungcheol is about what happened with Jeonghan in the locker room._ I think to myself as I lay back onto my bed reading through the rest of my messages. One from Jihoon saying he’s going to kick me in the face tomorrow when he sees me. Apparently it's because DK was annoying him and I caused him to be like that from me not replying to his many messages.

A couple from Vernon saying ‘ _never mind, I'd rather go by myself’_ and _‘I might just ask if I can go with him! It's time to step up!_ ’ While letting a huge smile split across my face, I send him back a message saying ‘ _GO FOR IT! FIGHTING!_ ’.

The last message is just Jun sending me a picture of his math homework asking for help and to actually call him when I have time. I then send back ‘ _let me eat dinner real quick and we'll Skype about the math and you can talk to me then_.’

I look up towards my ceiling and wait for anyone to reply. As in _anyone_ I mean DK.

I let my ears listen the the silence of my room, but after sitting for a minute or so I begin to pick up the sounds of clanking from expensive plates and chairs being pulled out from the table. The deep tone of my father's voice can also be detected from here.

**Ding~**

 

**From DK:**

**-ABOUT DAMN TIME MING-HOE! And I will say I'm slightly hurt that you only replied bc you knew I had some gossip…**

**-also looks like we'll be detention buddies ^-^**

 

**To DK:**

**-Get over it drama queen and tell me what Seungcheol did! And I only got detention because I was late to class!!! Not because of some stupid shit that you mostly do :/**

 

**From DK:**

**-To each their own**

**-Okay so you know how Scoups and Jeonghan have been Physics partners the whole year and Jeonghan has never said a single word!? Well when we were in gym Jeonghan came up to him and like said sorry and apparently it was really awkward and basically Sungcheoul asked him to get some coffee after school tomorrow**

**-and Jeonghan said fucking yes!!!**

**-Well not so enthusiastically like that, you know how he is, but the guy said yes nonetheless!**

 

_What the shit? No one tells me anything._

Well maybe Jeonghan is exactly what Seungcheol needs. Now that I think about it, they would complement each other quite well. But I had no idea about those two having college physics together!? All I knew about that class is whatever Seungcheol has told me; that there's about eight people in there, they have to sit in groups, and the teacher's a quack. But never has he told me anything about Jeonghan being in the class with him, let alone being partners.

“Mingyu, dinner!” My mom's usually delicate voice rings from downstairs and I'm reminded that, yes, I have my family currently waiting on me to come eat dinner. I decide to not answer DK and toss my phone towards the sheets and make my way to the dining room.

●●

“So, who's Wonwoo?” My sister's curious, but obviously venomous, voice is heard over the clank of chopsticks and moving bowls. My parents stop their conversation about some couple from a TV show and look towards Minseo, who's looking at me with a twisted smile. Now I'm left sitting in my chair confused of how she even knows who that is.

“Uhhm…” My mind blanks.

“You kept calling their name out while you were sleeping, so I wanna know who they are.” Minseo succeeds in gathering everyone's full attention, while I'm still sat motionless, and not sure how to reply. I mean it's not like Wonwoo’s a secret, but I kind of want to keep him to myself.

Here's the thing. If my parents find out who my new ‘friend’ (well that’s _atleast_ what I hope we can be) is, then they wanna know _everything_ about them, not because they are cautious about who I hang around with, but because they're just nosy people who want to know everything about everyone.

My dad places his utensils down and looks towards me with a confused face. “Isn’t Wonwoo a boy’s name?” He then looks around the table for confirmation, but the entire table has gone dead silent at the tone my dad had just used. The kind of tone when you're disgusted and ashamed, but you’re trying to cover it up with a lying undertone. “Why would you be dreaming about a boy?” My father's raised and judging eyebrow makes me shrink in my seat from the sheer power he holds in his stare.

My blood runs cold.

_How can you forget so easily, Mingyu?_

“Uhm…” Why am I feeling nervous again? _Maybe because you have slight feelings for the dark haired boy and it’s also the first time you’ve actually felt an attraction towards someone and that ‘someone’ just so happens to be of the same sex and last but not least, your dad's fucking homophobic!_

That’s right, how could I forget…

●●

**Three Years Ago**

“Mingyu sit down, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” My dad's voice is solemn and gruff as I step inside his vast office. There are two chairs that sit adjacent to my father’s more elaborate one, in a way this just points out how when you're in this room, he has the power, how he, hypothetically speaking, is in control.

I’ve always hated that about this room.

“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” I ask quietly as I sit in the much smaller chair and look at my hands like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. The evening light, or what's left of it, is filtering through the wall of windows from across the room, causing intricate shadows to dance across my fidgeting hands. I watch as the gray hues mix with my pale slim fingers.

“Your friends, Jihoon and Soonyoung… ” The disapproval in his voice is clearly evident.

I become stiff and I’m reminded of the (not so) surprising news the two older boys told me today when they came over after school.

 _‘We’re dating!’_ Soonyoung had said so proudly, as he wrapped a thin protective arm around Jihoon’s petite shoulders. ‘ _Yep, this idiot is now my boyfriend, so don’t get any ideas Mingyu.’_ Jihoon’s voice was laced with fondness and tranquility as he looked up at his new boyfriend and at that moment I was truly envious.

“ … The two are dating, aren’t they?” My father forces out of his mouth, like it's some vile he wishes could just be swallowed down.

While continuing to look towards my hands, I answer with a _yes sir._

“I’m only going to say this once and if you decide to disobey me there will be _major_ consequences. I do not want those two in my house again, do you understand?”

If there is one rule in this magnificent house, that feels like anything but home, it’s that you never disobey or break the rules set by my mom or dad, I was taught that at a young age and never forgot since.

“Yes s-.”

“Look at me when you answer” My father cuts in immediately.

I look up almost timidly and sit up a little bit straighter. “Yes sir.” He then looks more pointedly at me.

“Now don’t get so upset, I’m not saying you can’t… _hang out with them…_ just don’t do it here. Those two are different from you and me.” He says while lifting and moving his hands in wayward motions, almost as if he's trying to throw in some logic.

 _That’s bullshit!_ I think exasperatedly to myself.

It’s on that day I figure out that my father, despite his gentle nature and most of the time quiet demeanour, is a homophobe, and a big one at that. It’s on that day that I figure out the flaw in my father and it’s on that day I lose most of the respect that I had left for him.

**End Of Flashback**

●●

It’s so quiet in the dining room, when my father tries for my attention again.

“ _Well_. Are you going t-”

“Oh, stop with the bickering you two and Minseo stop teasing your brother.” My mother cuts him off and I let out a shaky breath I didn’t know I was holding.

Everyone slowly begins to eat again, while I decide to stop. My hands are shaking too bad to hold food properly on my utensils anyways.

“So honey, what are you gonna do while we’re all away for the weekend?” I’m thankful for my mom’s sudden diversion because if not I feel like the atmosphere would have gone further south than it already has.

“Probably just… hang around the house and maybe watch a few movies, I’m not sure yet.” I say lowly while moving around some pieces of kimchi and eel sprawled across my plate. I then place my chopsticks on the table, while bringing my hands down onto my lap.

The conversations for the rest of dinner are absent of Wonwoo’s name and the atmosphere continues to stay a bit stuffy from the judging tone my father used with me. I’m not saying this is how dinner usually goes but it’s pretty close; Starts off normal, sister hounds me for something, my father and, _most of the time,_ my mother judge me heavily for it, then I’m left feeling ten times shitty-er when I leave the table, from when I arrived.

Yep. Normal dinner at the Kim’s residence.

●●

“Okay I think I have it now. Jeez, you are like this insanely smart child prodigy. No seriously, like I’d be fucked for midterms if you weren't here to help me.” Jun lets out while stretching his arms tiredly over his head and soft cracking can be heard on the other end of the skype call. I cringe at the strange sounds and let out a chuckle at his unnecessary praise.

It’s about eleven o'clock when Jun and I get done with our ‘mini Calculus tutoring session’. These sessions usually consist of me pretty much teaching everything we've learned that week, crammed into a three hour skype call and a _whole bunch_ of patience on my part.

I sit back in my squeaking desk chair, and look at some notes I’m currently in the middle of arranging.

“It’s really not that hard, you just need a different view when learning things, a different grasp.” I remark back, tapping my pencil on the mahogany desktop and I run my eyes over the words I’ve just written. I listen to the shuffling sounds in Jun’s skype call as he packs away all of his papers and notebooks. Then just as he settles back down in his own desk, I remember the texts from earlier.

“Sooo, you need to _talk_ to me?” I keep my eyes down casted on my finished notes and give him some room to talk.

“Oh, uh. Yeah it’s about earlier, you know. in the hallway.” The timidness in his voice is clearly evident. I don’t even need to look up to know that he’s probably scratching the back of his neck, because that tends to be the number one little habit of his when Jun’s in a serious situation. “I just wanted to say, thank you again. I know it probably didn’t seem like it at the time, but you really did help me a lot with what you said.” He takes a calming breath and continues. “I know this may sound a little weird but, I really, really, _really_ , like this guy. From his cute accent, to his soft eyes, and from the way he acts all timid.”

I sit and listen to Jun without a single interruption, because the way he is describing Minghao so adoringly, is just too sweet to pass up. He is one of my best friends after all and if I can't even sit back and listen to him mindlessly babble about his most recent crush, what kind of friend would I be?

“I was giving myself a lot of doubt inside, but you told me straightforward to just give everything I can give, and that really helped, so, thanks.”

I look up this time to see him staring straight at the camera with soft eyes and a lopsided smile. His face reads and breaths: _stress free_ . And to think that I _somehow_ made that happen, still kinda shocks me, if we’re being honest.

Letting out a soft sigh, I nod my head and return the smile tenfold.

“ _Wen Junhui! It is a school night, what ar-_ ” Jun’s mom’s mandarin, can be heard faintly in the background (I’m not really sure what she’s saying, but it sounds quite authoritative to me.) and my once friendly smile is now tuning into a knowing smirk, because if Jun has one weakness other than ‘the newly discovered’ Minghao, it’s his mother.

“ _Okay, okay, okay”_ His Mandarin comes out just as fast and he lets out a tentative sigh before looking back at me. “Hey man, my mom’s starting to freak out again, so I should probably let you go.”

Lifting my hands up in defense/defeat “No no, it’s fine. I get it… _mama’s boy_.”

“Shut up. You’re actually an ass. I take back anything nice and positive I’ve said about you tonight.” He says with not a hint of rudeness, but with a caring undertone. I smile at his reaction, in victory.

“Yeah yeah. G’night Jun.” I watch as he waves goodbye and the screen becomes black. My smile slowly fades away as I stare at the ended call sign.

The longer I stay seated, the more evident the cold hard wood feels under my feet. A sigh escapes while I slide down in my chair and the squeaking, from the years of use, echos throughout my gray lit room and I’m reminded how lonely I _truly_ am. Not in the sense of friends, because I have just the right amount. And hypothetically speaking, not in family either. But I’m lonely in the sense of something else I just can't quite explain…

While padding over towards my bed, I turn off my side table lamp and crawl into my sheets.

That night, I hardly get any sleep.

●●

The next morning is a little hectic to say the least.

First, my sister was trying to pack up some of her belongings to head over to our grandparents house for the weekend and when I say ‘ _some things_ ’ I mean two bags… why she needs two bags of random shit for staying three days and two nights, I’ll never know. Secondly, my parents are rushing around the house, trying to make sure they have everything they need before leaving. Also, pretty sure my mom has asked me ‘ _if I have everything taken care of_ ’, around seven times already and I’m about one hundred percent positive, my father hasn't even acknowledged my existence this morning.

Even though all of this is happening, I still manage to finish up my morning routine; this time my hair is fixed and I _also_ remembered to brush my teeth, don’t worry.

“I’m leaving now! … not that anyone cares…” I mutter out the last part as I shut the door completely behind me and begin to make my way down our front steps.

I’m about five minutes away from my house and my mind begins to ponder. _I wonder if I’ll run into Wonwoo like I did yesterday morning?_ I think while walking swiftly down the sidewalk and making my way to the bustling city streets. Glancing down at my phone to check the time, I notice that it’s earlier than when I had left the house yesterday, about forty minutes to be exact. I then look up at the familiar signs and shops, checking my surroundings near me and notice, this is the spot where I pretty much knocked down Wonwoo.

_Wait. Or was he already on the ground?..._

I don’t know. What I _do_ know though, is that he should be here at some point; just knowing that makes me feel nervous, but extremely happy nonetheless.

The smell of coffee from the local library litters the chilled air and I’m _very_ tempted to step inside the cozy building and order a cup for myself. Well, considering I didn’t even get my morning cup, because both my parents were preoccupied with other things to notice that a pot was never started. Now I’m _so very much_ tempted to go inside…

Well I _am_ a pretty early and it should only take about ten minutes or so…

 _Screw it I’m getting coffee._ Shuffling into the warm library, I take in the freshly brewed beans and the familiar scent of new and aging books. Comfort, is the only word I can think of.

 _I wonder if Wonwoo likes coffee or perhaps he’s more of a tea person? Well, maybe he is neither, I’m not too sure._ I think while patiently waiting in line and occasionally (constantly) looking out the vast windows to see if a certain boy walks by.

Once the steaming coffee is in my hands I make my way out of the quiet indoors and into the loud streets of Busan.

 _Now to wait for Cat Ey- I mean Wonwoo._ I lean up against the brick wall of the building I was previously in and take timid sips of the scorching black liquid. _Damn this is super hot, like what the fuck…_

**_Ding~_ **

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and as I bring the device to eye level I notice that It’s just my mom.

 

**From Mom:**

**-We’re headed off now and we’ll be back monday night. Just call or text your father or I if you need anything, Love You!**

 

Letting out a huff of frigid air I slide my phone back into my uniform pockets and begin to wait.

Not too long after, a grin begins to split my face as I notice a very sleepy (and adorable) looking Wonwoo, walking towards my direction from down the street to my right. “Huh, I wonder if he lives down that street or if he just walks through it?” I mutter to myself.

Gathering up all of my blissful courage, I began to wave my unoccupied arm rapidly in the air, while trying to avoid spilling any of my, now lukewarm, coffee and call out Wonwoo’s name.

“JEON WONWOO! Over here!” My voice echos through the crowded streets and I watch his reaction carefully. Wonwoo’s eyes widened almost comically as he comes to a sudden halt and stands still on the sidewalk, looking for the source of the sudden call. I snicker to myself at how cute he’s being and make my way towards him.

Once I’m a few feet away from him, I notice that his head is turned towards the opposite direction and I decide to try for his attention once again.“Hey I- WAAAAAH!”

**_SPLASH_ **

_…_

_…_

_…_

_I did not just_ **_spill_ ** _my coffee._

 _And I did not just spill my coffee on_ **_Wonwoo_ ** _…_

“Are you okay?!” I hurriedly drop my, now empty, cup on smooth pavement and frantically search the stunned boy for any burns or signs of harm. “Seriously tell me if something happened! Was it hot? Oh god your blazer is ruined! Are you fine? Hurt Anywhere? Holy shit, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to! Someone just bumped into me. Are you Oka-”

Words are falling out of my mouth at an alarming speed and my hands are roaming all over Wonwoo by themselves, to make sure nothing on him is hurt. I’m so caught up with trying to make sure he’s okay, I almost miss his next words, that are as quiet as the wind and are as soft as fresh snow.

“Yes, I’m okay.”

While still holding his shoulders lightly, I look up and catch his dark eyes with mine. I see calmness and something else in his, deep coffee eyes I can’t decipher, but I’ve definitely seen it before. The next thing I notice is how close we are, so close I can smell strawberry shampoo and a sort of honey deodorant coming from him, I can also make out fine details on his face, like how the corner of his lips curl naturally at the ends and how there’s currently light pink dusted across his pale cheeks. My heart is pounding like crazy.

“Y-you can let go of me now, I-I’m fine.” Wonwoo barely whispers out, eyes never leaving mine and a sort of deja vu, spreads over me.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry… “ I hastily say, while pulling back my hands and shuffling away a few feet. As Wonwoo hikes his satchel up further onto his shoulder I notice two things. One is that he has a giant coffee stain on his uniform and the second is I left my school bag at home. I have an idea.

“Um, m-my house is just down the road, like five minutes away and although, they might be a little baggy on you, I have plenty of uniforms and uh…I can lend you one or you can have it I don’t mind, just as long as you don’t go to school in the one I just ruined.” _Fucking eloquent Mingyu, seriously._

Wonwoo’s eyes become saucers and he looks down at his ruined blazer nervously. And man do I feel bad… his uniform really doesn’t even look that ruined.

“Look, I need to go back there anyways because I forgot my school bag, so it’s really not a big deal. Plus, we still have awhile before school starts so… what do you say?” I stand confident and patiently, waiting for his answer.

“Um… I don’t think that’s necessary, but thank you for the offer.”

He looks up at me with a nervous smile and begins to cautiously walk down the street in a slow pace, quite like when I first noticed him earlier. My eyebrows furrow and I’m stood frozen on what I should do; run back now to retrieve my forgotten bag _or_ follow Wonwoo to school. I’ll go with the latter, I mean I’m pretty sure there was no assigned homework I needed to turn in today. I let out a puff of frosty air and jog a little to catch up with Wonwoo who has only gone a few yards ahead of me.

As I’m walking beside him, I let a grin slip onto my features and I notice the distance between us, about a couple feet, _well this is definitely a step towards something at least._ We fall into a comfortable silence and it’s honestly surprising how natural this all feels around him, almost like we’ve known eachother for years. It’s only when we arrive at the crowded metro station and Wonwoo heads towards the ticket machines instead of keeping straight towards the waiting platforms, do I decide to speak.

“Why are you buying an individual ticket?” I ask with my voice slightly raised, so that he can hear me properly, over the noisy station. “Just buy a card, it’s more convenient.” I watch as pale nimble fingers proceed to press the screen with a feather light touch and Wonwoo continues to ignore me, too occupied with buying his ticket. He turns around abruptly and begins to speak swiftly and I jump a little bit at the sudden deep voice.

“I don’t have money to just freely use, plus it’s kind of useless considering I only take the metro to get to school.” he finishes by looking towards me with a shy smile and I’m speechless. It was rude of me to think that everyone has money to spend on unnecessary things, I just hope I didn’t offend him in any way. God, he probably thinks I’m some shallow douchebag or a sniveling rich kid.

We continue to walk until we reach the designated platform, where the train has already arrived, and climb onto the congested transportation. My eyes scan the crowd for a place to stand, somewhere better than smashed up against the pole in the dead-center of the aisle. There’s not really a place for us to hold on to, so just before the subway takes off, I find a little spot for us to stand, and act instinctively.

My hand finds Wonwoo’s sleeve and I shout a hasty “come on” before pulling him toward the end of the aisle. We squeeze thinly past families, businessmen, other students in uniform and everyone in between until we cramp ourselves in the space between the emergency exit door and the aisle.

I let go of his sleeve and breathe in deeply. “Itty-bitty living space,” I laugh, and so does he, small, quiet, and light as windchimes, but nonetheless still there.

With a jolt, the subway takes off. We watch as the passengers with nowhere to put their hands jostle in the aisle, swaying unintentionally as they attempt to find a hand hold and steady themselves. A few people bump into us, one large man in particular colliding with Wonwoo.

“Ahah,” He grumbles, raising a hand to rub at his already reddening forehead. The man mutters a weak “sorry” and turns around, but god damn, that looked like it fucking hurt.

I look over at Wonwoo again, pinning my eyes to where his thin wrist rubs his injured temple. I then watch as he shyly trys to smile off the surging pain, but ends up wincing anyway.

Suddenly, I feel a need to protect or to make some form of attempt at it. I’ve never felt this form of protectiveness though. This kind is different from the time I wanted to speak out on Minghao’s behalf when he was bullied by Jihye, or when my dad had dissed Jihoon and Soonyoung for being gay. No. This kind is completely different, I can tell.

I unconsciously follow my instincts by stretching out my arm, palm laid flat against the wall, caging Wonwoo in to the small space where we stand. I stand firm and still and feel as the cart makes another strong jolt and the same man from before shifts back hard on my stretched out arm and I gotta say, that shit hurts.

A few more stops pass and enough people get off for me to feel comfortable to move my arm down. I look at Wonwoo to make sure he’s not uncomfortable or anything, I notice him looking at anyone but me and has pink dusted all along his pale cheeks. I opt to turn and look at the exit doors with a small smile gracing my face.

●●

The train eventually lets us off at our designated stop and even though there’s less people from when we first got on the train, the flow of bodies is still in great numbers. I keep close to Wonwoo’s side as we make our way towards the exit.

“Do you mind riding to school with me again on Monday?”

My eyebrows lift in surprise and I turn my head to see him looking straight forward with a neutral face. ‘ _I would ride home with you to!’_ Is what I want to say, but that response feels to eager and I end up replying with an affirmative ‘No, I don't mind'. In the corner of my eye I watch as Wonwoo nods his head while biting his lower lip, obviously trying to hold back a smile. _Cute._ I look down towards my feet, as I try to hide a shy smile of my own.

I like this, this feeling that resides deep in my stomach. How my insides do flips and swirls to the beat of my drumming heart, it feels good, it feels new. I never want this feeling to disappear. In fact, I always want this feeling to reside within me, just like I know how the memory of Wonwoo will forever stay with me.

A few minutes into our walk and I come to a conclusion that either Wonwoo just walks insanely slow or he just likes getting lost in his thoughts of the world around him. I would personally take on the latter, but that’s just me. In fact I don’t really know much about the quiet boy.

I look over towards him again and examine his face that’s set in a neutral stare, eyes pointed straight ahead. “Are you an over thinker?” the question falls out of my mouth before I have a chance to even think about what I’m really asking.

Wonwoo turns his head to look at me fully and quirks an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Yep” I exaggerate the ‘P’ at the end as answer without hesitation. The sound of Wonwoo’s breathless laugh fills the space between us and he lets out a satisfied hum.

“Yeah, so am I.”

I try and think of more topics to talk about and my mind immediately goes back to yesterday morning when I had ran into him. “So uh, what about that book I had picked up yesterday? You like it so far?” My question seems to surprise him and he cautiously begins to nod his head.

“ _The Great Gatsby_ is one of my favorites, so I like reading it from time to time.”

“Seriously!”

Wonwoo jumps a little from my booming voice.

“I freaking love that book! Most people don’t even think I read to be perfectly honest with you, but that book is amazing, to the character development, foreshadowing, and literalization, to the atmosphere and setting...” I continue to talk about the plotline and how the author portrays love. Somewhere along the way I notice we’re coming close to the school's front gates, I stop my speech mid way and look over towards Wonwoo to see his reaction on my whole spill and end up stopping in my own tracks, Wonwoo also stops but I hardly notice.

He’s wearing a soft smile that shows so many emotions hidden underneath it, but one emotion sticks out from the rest, it's the same look that was in his eyes from earlier as well.

_I remember where I've seen that look now!_

The only reason I can even decipher _that one_ emotion from the many currently displayed, is simply because, that’s exactly how Jihoon and Soonyoung look at each other. It’s how I’ve seen my parents look towards each other after a long day and it’s the look Jun just barely showed when he talked about Minghao yesterday.

Adoration

I feel heat creep up from the back of my neck and quickly reach my hand up to cover the burning area. “Um, u-uh, sorry for rambling. I just really like that book.” I say nervously. Watching as the smile slips from Wonwoo’s face and fades into a neutral look, I begin to speak again. “You know, you have an amazing smile, you should wear it more often.”  I give him a shy smile of my own and begin to walk through the entrance of our school.

I peak out of the corner of my eyes to see him shuffle towards to entrance behind me with an unreadable expression. _Maybe I was too straight forw-_

“Hey _Ming-hoe_!”

Leave it to DK to ruin any nice moment you’re currently having.

“I thought you would _never_ show up- oh, hey you’re the guy from the restroom yesterday morning. Jeon Wonwoo, right? I’m DK, the one who went to get the principal. Oh, that reminds me, did you get any sort of detention from slapping Joonea, because I have a detention after school today; well I’m pretty sure I got that for multiple reasons.” DK mumbles out the last part.

I look towards Wonwoo to ask about the slap and I see his face twisted up in a creeped out stare towards the boy in front of us and I instantly can tell he’s uncomfortable just by the way his shoulders shake a little. I swiftly (and carefully, minding his scars) grab onto Wonwoo’s wrist and begin pulling the both of us away.

“Sorry DK, I have to go finish up my english paper and Wonwoo here said he’d help me.”

“You don’t even have your school bag!” He calls out after us.

“See you at lunch _Seokmin_ !” I hear a ‘ _It’s DK_ ’ far behind us as we enter the building.

Letting go of his wrist I watch as he looks up at me carefully. “Thank you, I- I uh don’t really like how loud he is. He kinda creeps me out, too.” His low and smooth voice intertwines with the warm air inside the corridor we’re currently standing in.

“Oh no, it’s fine! I’m pretty sure he creeps most people out, I’m just used to it because I’ve known him for so long. He never has any malicious intentions though.”

“I should head to my first period.”

“Wait, the bell hasn’t even rang yet!” I call after him, even though he’s only gone about three feet ahead. He turns around and gives me an amused smile that leaves me blank.

“Don’t want to be late, I might join you in detention if I do.” He then turns back and rounds the corner to the next hall way.

_Wait how’d he know that?!_

●●

Classes flash by and since I couldn't find Wonwoo _anywhere_ outside the noisy cafeteria, I’m now sitting at our lunch table, listening to an argument that’s been going on for about fourteen minutes by now.

“ _No, I_ _told you_ it's not appropriate to do the assignment on different way’s you’ve _stalked_ someone.” Sungcheol’s voice is laced with exhaustion and the normal fatherly tone he naturally has. Him and Vernon have been working on the latter's home economics project, the topic is ‘love life’, but the both of them obviously have different views on the subject.

“I didn't _stalk_ him! I just… observed him from a distance.” Vernon tries to argue.

“Pretty sure that’s stalking.” Soonyoung says dejectedly, not really wanting to get into their debate, but he’s obviously tired of hearing about it.

“Babe, of course it’s _stalking_ , Vernon is just trying to defend himself, so he can do a whole project over Seungkwan.” His boyfriend's mouth forms an understanding ‘oh’. “Honestly, I would just let him do it and see how it turns out. Who knows, maybe the teacher will _love it_.” He finishes with snuggling his head closer into Sooyoung's shoulder and closing his eye’s while the rest of the table snickers at the idea. Even I think the plan is pretty funny, but Seungcheol just shakes his head and throws his hands up in defeat whispering ‘Fine, fine, let's just watch Vernon make an even bigger fool of himself."

“Hey, don’t you have a date with Jeonghan or something after school?” Joshua asks over the snickering table, trying to change the subject, because Vernon looks like he’s about to start crying.

My ears perk up at the question and I watch as Sungcheol’s face turns up into a confident smirk.

“Yep, you jealous? I’ve been trying to get him to at least look at me since the beginning of this year.” He leans forward and rests his forearms atop of the lunch table and continues. “I’m taking him to that coffee shop inside the old library, we’re just gonna talk and get to know each other first, you know baby steps.” Finishing with a satisfied look, he cups a hand under his chin.

“How come you never told me about any of this?” A pout begins to form on my face.

“He never told me either until just last night, don’t feel so down about it.” DK says with solemness in his voice.

The table erupts into more questions and multiple conversations and I opt to stare out of the vast windows we’re all currently sat by. I watch as tawny leaves swirl along the cemented walkways outside and a few birds pick at the ground, nothing too exciting. My eyes pass over towards the tree I sat at yesterday during lunch and scenes of Wonwoo asleep under the shaded light begin to fill my mind.

“Ew Mingyu, what the hell kind of look do you have on your face?!”

 _I didn’t notice my face was set in a dopey looking smile._ Blinking a couple times I then turn my head and glare towards DK. _Note to self, no more daydreaming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man I'm this was a big one ^^ Hope all of you have happy holidays!!! Think of this monster update as a gift for the seasons :D Anyway, comment and tell me what you tink of the chapter! Also if yoo have any questions feel free to ask :)


	8. The Thing About Feelings Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu understands now. Everything is almost clear.

I remember a certain poem we had to learn in class during freshman year. The teacher had told us to ‘pick apart the short work, search for a meaning that you can personally relate to’. I had read the poem so many times, I can still recite it to this day;

_ Lonely is just one word chosen to represent so much _

_ To tell of feelings inside that the senses cannot touch _

_ Lonely can be in the teardrops on a bereaved person’s cheek _

_ Lonely can be in the silence of sorrows too deep to speak _

_ Lonely can haunt a deserted room that laughter once made proud _

_ Lonely surrounds you when you’re alone or finds you in a crowd _

_ Lonely is heard in echoed footsteps of a departing friend _

_ Lonely penetrates the solitude of nights that will not end _

_ Lonely will not listen to the pleadings of a broken heart _

_ Lonely stays and torments until new love shatters it apart  _

_ By, Mary Havran _

Back in my earlier teen years, I skimmed over the deeper meaning and wrote how the author felt lonely; and everyone feels that once in awhile. Simple as that.

But now, as I’ve grown, I have come to realize what was  _ truly  _ written out.

In fact , I’m pretty sure I am living part of it.

●●

We all make our way out of the cafeteria and towards the gym in an obnoxiously loud group; Jun is picking on Vernon about his hair- he'd recently dyed it back to black and we all love the natural look on him, but Jun just can't let go of the Leonardo diCaprio look and in front of me Seungcheol and DK are talking about some new video game. Behind me is Soonyoung and Jihoon who are lost in their own little world, talking in low tones and lastly, Joshua who's walking right beside me. The lean boy is not saying a single word, but I can feel that something is bothering him. Every few steps, he turns his head to look at me subtly, which is kind of starting to get annoying, even for him.

“So” Joshua finally speaks “do you have any plans for tonight? Do you maybe want to come over and watch some movies with DK and I?” His tone is the same chirpy one he often uses, but towards the end I notice the waver, the shakiness. Before I can answer he adds in quickly “I'm already waiting for DK after school, you know because of his detention, you could just come along with us since you have detention as well?” I know he was trying to make it seem as more of a statement, but it comes out more of as a question.

I stuff my cold hands inside my uniformed chinos and continue walking forward.

“Oh, uh no that's okay, I'm actually not feeling too well today.” I start out slowly. “Plus, my parents are away and you know how they are with the house, not wanting it left empty and… stuff” I try to make up a quick lie, something I’ve been doing a lot as of lately, but it's only  _ half _ a lie if we are being honest! My parents really do hate the house being unoccupied, they're scared of someone coming in and robbing the place. Honestly, I don't see why they're so afraid, we have a top notch security system  _ and _ we live in an uptight neighborhood. What more do you need?

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Joshua nods his head slowly, and with the smile that always seems to reside on his face, he begins to look straight ahead and starts to bite his lower lip, smile now fading.

_ Oh shit, what if he caught on to my semi-lie?! An angry Joshua is the worst kind of Joshua. _

He eventually lets out a weak sigh and continues walking forward, a little faster, until he’s beside DK.

_ Yep. He’s pissed? Sad? Disappointed? _

Continuing to walk beside myself and I’m suddenly struck with a heavily reality. I notice the striking force of loneliness that I’ve been feeling lately. Previous events began to run rapidly in my head like blurred paintings moving back and forth. Last night during dinner, after Jun and I’s skype call, at lunch today and now, walking by myself.

“-wait you know that guy to?” DK’s booming voice pulls me out of my swirling thoughts.

I look around to find everyone crowded a few yards in front of me,- _ they must’ve been too distracted with their own conversations to noticed my spaced out state- _ talking to someone, I can’t quite see past every one.

“Of course I do, he’s in Jeonghan’s and I’s group for one of our classes.” Seungcheol says as if he’s offended that DK didn’t know this information. _What the hell_ _are they fighting about now_? I think while rolling my eyes.

We are standing right outside the gym’s double doors and I want nothing more than to get inside and  _ stay _ inside, because honestly the wind is beginning to pick back up and the air is starting to have a certain bite to it.

“Oh yeah, you’re in our Psychology class right? You sit in front of me.” Joshua says casually. I stay standing behind all of them and bring my arms up around me, moving them back and forth, trying to gather some sort of warmth.

“Yeah, DK, we all know him…” Jihoon adds.

“Well, Wonwoo and I here are _ friends _ !” DK obnoxiously mocks. “We’re bathroom buddies!”

_ Wonwoo? _

I hesitantly push aside Joshua and Sooyoung, leaving them looking at me bewildered. “Wonwoo…?” I say a bit confused.  He looks towards me a little surprised and beside him is Jeonghan and some short freshmen. The older is standing half way in front of the kid and Wonwoo, as if he’s protecting the both of them from everyone around us.

“Look guys, I get you’re all  _ BFFLs _ with Wonwoo here,” Jeonghan says cooly, while gesturing his thumb over his shoulder towards Wonwoo, whose eyes are still locked with mine. “But Chan and I’s next class is about to start and we’re just trying to show him to the coach’s office.”

“I’ll take him.” I blurt out with barely any time to think and everyone turns to look at me. I break eye contact with Wonwoo to see seven pairs of confused eyes and scrunched up eyebrows.

“Wait, you weren't messing around yesterday when you said you knew him?” DK breaks the awkward silence. “I thought you were just joking about the literature paper. Huh…” Everyone then turns to look at Wonwoo expectedly. His eyes avert downwards and I follow towards their destination; his red- from the chilled weather- and trembling hands that are currently folded tightly in front of him.

_ Why is he so nervous? No one is being hostile or aggressive. I just want to understand why he’s so tense and seclusive. _

“Oh, then since we all know each other,” Jun begins lightly. “Why don’t you hang out with us? Unless you have another group of friends, then that’s fine I guess. You just seem chill to hang out with.” he quickly adds.

I walk forward, not caring what the others think anymore- too concerned over Wonwoo’s current state- and cautiously grab his clenched hands, pulling one gently apart from the other. “Come on.” I take the speechless and shaking Wonwoo into the warm building, but before letting the doors close completely behind me, I turn my head and look back at my confused friends, along with Chan and Jeonghan. I mouth out ‘ _ Don’t follow’  _ while shaking my head back and forth. Without waiting for their reply I turn my head back towards Wonwoo. I hear Seungcheol beginning to say something, but I’m not listening as the doors shut behind the both of us.

I listen to the male’s shakey footsteps, shuffling quietly beside me, and after turning down a few halls I steal a glance at him, hand still quivering inside my own.

_ I need him to calm down.  _

“Hey, I know you’re nervous right now,-” I start out softly, stating the obvious, but it seems like the older can hardly register what I’m saying anyways. “-just relax, none of them are around, it’s just us.” I say soothingly while looking at him. Wonwoo is currently staring down towards the tiled floor, sweeping his eyes cautiously around the new surroundings and I wonder why I feel the need to envelop him into a suffocating hug.

I opt out of my hormonal idea and settle with rubbing my thumb up and down the back of our clasped hands. He then takes a few deep breaths and I notice the trembles becoming less and less noticeable which each inhale.

_ Good. _

The trembles and noticeable shakiness is not completely gone, but he lets go of my hand, much to my dismay, and looks up at me with a light smile. “Thank you.” Wonwoo’s deep voice fills the empty hall and I’m reminded of this morning.

A smile takes over my warm face. “Any time, so, uh, you needed the coaches office right?” I ask while bringing my hand up to my neck, where red warmth is beginning to spread.  _ God, I know he’s cute, but I need to calm down.  _ My heart is racing.

“Yeah, I have to talk to him about, uhm, s-something.” He swiftly moves his gaze away; I don’t think much of it.

“Okay, well his office is this way.” I point my finger down the corridor and begin moving my feet towards the desired direction.

“We’re friends, right?” Wonwoo’s sudden question cuts me off. 

I turn back around, wide eyed and a little taken aback.

I try to suppress the splitting smile that is attempting to appear, I’m ecstatic if you couldn’t tell. This is such a huge step for us. I want to know what goes on inside his head, I want to know what makes Wonwoo, Wonwoo; what makes him tic.

“Of course.” I say, a little too eager.

A dopey and quite adorable, might I add, smile blooms across Wonwoo’s striking features and I see pure happiness take form in front of me. My chest begins to tighten into a knot of fondness and my breath becomes shallow puffs.

_ I’m in deep for this guy. _

“Okay, I uh-” He let’s out a deep and breathless chuckle. “was just making sure you know? Sometimes people can get mixed signals and begin to assume things-”

I get a sudden idea. This can go one of two ways; good or bad.

“Hey,” I stop his mindless rambling.

“Yeah?”

“If you need anything I want you to text or call me, okay?” I say while pulling out my phone and handing him the shiny and new device. He takes it gently with both of his hands and turns the phone around, tracing his eyes carefully over the unlocked screen and begins placing his contact info.

_ Yes! Mission success!  _ I mentally have a- fangirl sized- heart attack and try to reduce my inner squealing to a minimum.

“Here” He brings the phone back towards me and reaches into his satchel. “Um, I-I don’t have many contacts in here, so.” I take the outdated cell in my hands gratefully and begin to add in my contact information without a second thought. Once I press save, the phone brings me back to the contact list and his previous sentence begins to sink in.

All fluttering happiness evades and my heart about drops to the floor.

The screen reads:

**Dad (xxx)-xxx-xxxx**

**Grandma (xxx)-xxx-xxxx**

**Home (xxx)-xxx-xxxx**

**Mingyu (xxx)-xxx-xxxx**

 

All in alphabetical order and all void of any real ‘friends’ other than myself.

My once softened and light facial features turn into a sorrowful form and I pray to any god out there that Wonwoo can’t see my face. It’s just too hard to keep myself from feeling this way.

I may be dense sometimes, but I’m definitely not stupid. All context clues render inside my head, going off like sirens.

It's in that moment, in the gym’s empty and fluorescent lit hallways, on a crisp fall day, that everything hits me. That’s when I realize Wonwoo is just like me.

He’s lonely.

Not the same lonely as me, but a more serious kind. Wonwoo is _ all alone _ . He has no one to concede in, no one to discuss relatable topics, to just talk about a current book he’s been reading, or simply ask questions about today's homework. No one to spend time with in the sense of just hanging out. No one to text at three A.M. when things get too heavy and trust me I know they do. Nope. No one other the the two people listed above me, but I’m not even  _ sure  _ of the relationship between them.

I now see Wonwoo in a different light. A different color of some sorts. I don’t pity him per se, but I do somewhat understand.

And I want to be the one who helps him make the first step out of this twisted hole. And maybe, just maybe, he can reach out to me as I’m planning on doing with him.

●●

My mind is racing at full speed while I do laps around the gym, legs moving with full force. Seungcheol has asked me to stop and take a break everytime I pass by where he and the rest of my group of friends are sat on the bleachers, messing with their phones. Minus Vernon.

Wonwoo has been inside the coaches office since I dropped him off earlier and that was about twentyfive minutes ago; wha t could they possibly be talking about?

“Mingyu, seriously!”

Speaking of Seungcheol.

“ _ Sit down _ ! You look like you’re about pass ou t! Plus,  we need to talk!” Seungcheol’s authoritative voice is tired and pleading.

I make one more lap. _ Fine. _ I feel some sweat drip down onto my parted lips and I begin to slow down my speed and start to walk towards the occupied bleachers. Placing my hands on to p of m y warm head, I attempt to even my breathing back out into a normal rhythm. I avoid the other students playing basketball and another group who’s messing around with a hacky sack.

“What do we need to talk about?” I ask in between breaths, while sitting down on the cool bleachers. Seungcheol rubs his hands in between his knees nervously and lets out a deep breath. I notice that the conversation Joshua, DK, and Jun were having, just mere seconds ago, has now gone silent. One glance behind me and I notice not only did the three of them stop talking, but Jihoon and Soonyoung have  also decided to give me their full attention.

Strange.

“What’s been going on man?” The oldest of us finally questions.

I continue to stare at my hands, not really understanding the question, but also not  _ wanting _ to know what he meant either.

“You know you can tell us, right ?” S eungcheol tries to push further.

Oh. That’s what he meant.

“It’s nothing…” I mumble out the cliche comment. The atmosphere becomes  heavy i n a matter of seconds.

“That’s bullshit.” Jihoon snarls out. I know he’s just naturally aggressive, so I don’t take the response too much to heart. “We’ve all noticed how you’ve changed.”

He’s right though, I’ve even noticed it myself. I just didn’t think that others would notice as well.

“Jihoon.” Soonyoung says in a warning tone, letting his boyfriend know that he needs to calm down.

“What he means is that-” Joshua looks up for the first time since I’ve sat down. I just hope he’s  not still mad at me for obviously lying to him earlier. His eyes search our little group and land back on m e and with a long sigh, he speaks. “We think you might be depressed…”

I freeze.

_ Depressed? What’s the literal definition again? Ah, in a state of general unhappiness or despondency.  _

Before I have a chance to think of anything to respond with, Jun cuts in.

“And we want to help.” He adds quickly. “To talk about it, or see if we can just do something. None of us have a problem with doing any of that.”

The group nods their heads earnestly in agreement.

“I-”  _ They’re not wrong, I need to talk about this. Hell, I’m not even sure when it all started. _ “Yeah.” I finally look up. My hands are strangely shaking and I begin to feel nervous. “I’ve, uhm. B-been kind of uh-” Words begin to fall out o f my mouth at lightning speed, not really sure what I need to explain, but just something to fill the empty and heavy si lence.

“Hey, slow down. It’s okay, we have a while before the bell rings anyways.” I feel Seungcheol’s hand rest gently on my shoulder. “Do you want to take this conversation somewhere  more quiet ?” He questions lightly.

I give a shallow nod, without looking anywhere in particular and just like that, everyone around me stands and makes their way towards the dressing room doors. Someone makes a comment about going to get Vernon, but they end up leaving the lovestruck boy in the gym.

“I’ve been feeling lonely? I guess…” everyone stays silent, so I continue. “Like, I’ll be around all of you, everyone laughing and messing around, but i t feels like some sort of wall is separating me from everything, and I just can’t enjoy anything anymore.” I notice Joshua has looked away with a guilty expression and DK is now wringing his hands nervously. Suddenly I feel Seungcheol’s hand on my knee giving a light squeeze and that alone gives me enough courage to finish. Letting my mind go blank, I begin to just let everything out.

“Uhm, it’s hard for me to go places, like when one of you offer me to go anywhere it’s not because I have something else I need to do, it’s because I just don’t feel like going. Ea ting, I  guess,  _ anything _ , has been getting harder… I’m just not hungry anymore.” I feel my throat tighten up and the harsh pain inside my neck suddenly becomes too much. The stinging that’s beginning to form in my eyes is becoming too troublesome. The locker room itself has become too quiet, aside from the constat thuds of a far off game of basketball in the gym outside the door and murmurs of the students talking.

“Mingyu…” DK tries to grab my attention, but my world of realisation just came crashing down and has hit me square on the head.

“I- feel like a burden.” I barely whisper out while keeping my head low.

“No no no, you’re not a burden, I promise.” Jun is the first to protest, but he just doesn’t understand how I really feel. I can sit here all day and stay late into the night talking, but that doesn’t mean  _ any _ of the six guys in front of me will ever truly understand. “Okay?” I nod my head in conformation for Jun. I just don’t want any of them to worry about me. I don’t want our friendships to be based off of pity or knowing that Mingyu needs a little cheering up every now and then.

Joshua fixes his stare on me. “I’m glad you told us.” he gives me a light and understanding smile. “Is there anything we can do?”

_ That’s a loaded question.  _

“Maybe we can set up an appointment with Mrs. Choi?” Soonyoung adds in as the thought dawns on him. The idea itself doesn’t sound too bad. Perhaps just talking to someone, like the schools consular, a couple times a week could help out a bit, even though I was actually thinking of Wonwoo for the position or more like hoping. But Wonwoo is busy right now and I have six concerned friends right in front of me,  _ trying  _ and  _ listening  _ to everything I wanted to sa y out loud  for so long now.

“Yeah” I take in a deep breath and release it slowly. “I can do that.”

“Hey man, we’re here for you.” DK stands up and brings me into a warm hug, which is uncharacteristic for the goofy eighteen year old, but I guess even Lee Seokmin can have his moments. “Whatever’s going  on,  you can tell us.” I relax my stiffened shoulders and bring up both of my hands, circling them around DK’s thin frame, and gi ve in to t he sweet gesture. Before I know it I have the rest of the guys huddled in a giant group hug like a bunch of kids, even Jihoon is surprisingly thrown into the mix.

“Thank you, guys… really.” I say after I release myself from the hug. The air in the locker room is completely different and somehow more inviting and understanding, like a giant wall has been  demolished a nd sun is finally shining for the first time. Everyone has a calm and caring look and I’m definitely feeling somewhat better. Of course my wounds aren’t just magically healed by a physical hug, but the atmosphere is not what it was when we started the conversation or even how it’s been for the past couple months. Something has shifted.

“Hey, on a different note… how do you know Wonwoo?”

My eyebrows lift at Jun’s sly question. He has a knowing look in his eyes along with a crooked smile. He knows damn well what he just did.

“Yeah! Tell us about him!” DK scoots closer to me, places both hands under his chin and leans his elbows onto his knees, as if we are about to gossip about a new crush like some cheesy 80s movie.

“Plus” Joshua  perks up . “He seems to be more comfortable around y ou than he is with any of us.”

“Joshua’s right. The guy barely even looks at me when we have our anatomy class, but earlier he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.” Seungcheol adds in. “ Don’t think I didn’t notice!”

Letting out a huge sigh, I cave in.  _ Where do I even begin to explain Wonwoo?  _ “I met him yesterday on the way to school, kind of.”  _ I guess I’ll just start from the beginning. _

“What do you mean  _ ‘kind of’ _ ?”

“Well I ran int-” I stop talk because I can hear the familiar sound of a door opening and muffled voices becoming more clear.

“-and your dressing locker will be on this side, over here.” We all freeze with wide eyes and lifted brows at th e coach’s vo ice becoming more and more evident. We’re mostly scared of being scolded by the middle aged man because we are technically not supposed to even be in here unless we need him for something or the period is coming to an end,  and neither of these reasons apply to us.

“Thank you.” We all look to see the quiet senior stepping out of the small office lifting his head and immediately noticing me and the group of boys around me.

“No problem, Wonwoo- hey, why aren’t you all in the gym with the rest of the class!”

Shit.

We all scramble and trip over each other, attempting to get to the doors leading to our freedom. “Seokmin, do you enjoy detentions?”

“Oh gosh,  _ of course not _ Mr. Sung.” DK Says in fake sincerity.

“Go, all of you, before each of you get to join Mr. Seokmin after school.” With a last look over my shoulder, I hastily make my way back out into the gym feeling the best I have in a long t ime;  even though not by much, it still feels like a lot.

●●

I catch Wonwoo right outside the gym’s double doors. He’s standing in the halway, back leaned up against the wall and one ankle crossed over the other cooly, while staring down at the pages of  _ The Great Gatsby.  _ “Do you want me to walk you to your next class?” He looks up to me and gives me a twitch of a smile and I return it with my own broad one.

“He’s walking with us four. No need for your chivalry acts,  _ prince charming _ .” Jun about pops out of nowhere, slinging an arm around my neck, and successfully embarrassing me at the same time. I now have a creeping red heat crawling up the back of my neck and dusting along my cheeks. I remind myself that I also need better friends.

Soonyoung and Jihoon step into the hall along with Joshua, causing even more comotion, believe it or not. They all stop once they see Wonwoo, Jun, and I all waiting for the bell to ring. “Oh, we didn’t properly introduce ourselves yesterday!” Soonyoung gestures around our little impromptu circle. “I’m Soonyoung and this is Jihoon, my boyfriend.” He lifts up his left hand, which is intertwined with the latter's own, as if to show some sort of proof of their relationship. “That’s Jun and Joshua.” Soonyoung then moves his free hand and points to the respective owner of the names. He then moves the same pointer finger towards the inside of the gym near the back corner. “The one with the black hair, talking to the shorter blonde over there, is Vernon and the one he’s talking to is Seungkwan.” Wonwoo slowly nods his head and peeks to where the two are animatedly talking about something, but his attention is stolen as Soonyoung begins to talk again. “You already know DK and Seungcheol, so I guess that’s about it.”

“Jeon Wonwoo.” He says while giving a slight head bow.

“Great, now that that’s settled let’s get going!” Jun tugs his bag up onto his shoulders and gestures for them to head towards their last class period for the day, which they all unfairly share together. Screw the counselor who persuaded me to sign up for Calculus instead of having a laid back year in the blow off Psychology class. “You should probably go and head towards your literature class Mingyu, Wonwoo’s in  _ good  _ hands.”

I  _ really  _ need new friends.

“Yeah, no need to worry yourself, he’s fine.” Jihoon adds in sarcastically and I quickly give him a glare. Everyone, aside from Wonwoo and myself, begins laughing and cracking up while also making a few inside jokes to go along with what Jihoon had said and somewhere in between all the loud and boisterous laughing the school’s bell rings, but the signal for us to head to class almost goes unnoticed by our youthful ears. I take a quick peek at the senior beside me, while everyone seems to be distracted by some weird facial expression Jun is currently pulling, and notice a slight smile residing his face, which in result places one my face as well.

Once the time for us dwindles down we say our goodbyes and right as they begin to walk off in the opposite direction of where I need to go I call out to Wonwoo, grabbing his attention and motioning for him to come back.

“Wait for me when you get out, we’ll go home together, okay?” I look at him cheerfully and wait for his reply.

“What about detention?”

“Shit… I forgot.” Of course he doesn't want to stay an hour after school, I mean I surely wouldn't want to! But if I was staying after for him… “Uhm, you don’t have to wait up for me-” I say in a hasty manner.

“I’ll just head to the school’s library.” He quietly adds in. “I-I don’t mind waiting.”

“Wonwoo!” Soonyoung yells from the end of the hallway, successfully catching both Wonwoo and I’s attention. “Come on!” he yells while moving his free hand and tapping onto his watch.  And with that Wonwoo gives me a parting smile, the same one he used on me this morning, the one that leaves me breathless every time. I lamley bring a hand up and give him a little wave. My face is probably somewhat of a mix of dopey and struck.

“I’ll see you in a while.” I say after Wonwoo’s already turned around and nearing the waiting group of antsy boys at the end of the corridor.

●●

I check the time on my phone for the hundredth time in the past hour.  _ 4:29PM. _

“Come on. One more minute.” I whisper out to myself.

“Okay, you may leave.” The teacher sitting lazily at her desk states loudly. Sounds of chairs moving and tables squeaking can be heard throughout the entire room. “Careful heading back home.”

I swing my bag onto my shoulder in a hasty manner and stand from my desk, eyes never leaving the door.

“Mingyu-”

“Can’t talk, I’ll see you Monda y, D K.” I turn around and give DK a reassuring smile, just to make sure he doesn't get worried. In return he pats my shoulder a couple times and I make a beeline towards the library.

The wing of the school the library is sectioned off in is on the far right, away from most classes and near the back entrance of the school; perfect for silence and seclusion. 

I smile to myself when an image of Wonwoo pops into my swirling head.  _ I’m sure he likes hanging around places like libraries and cafes, or maybe even going to the park at night when the stars are the brightest and the wind can be felt caressing against your entire body. _

I open one of the double doors and give a short greeting to the woman behind the counter before making my way towards the back of the library where I know the study tables are located. I notice a couple of other students who have also not left yet and search for the dark haired boy with earnesty. “Wonwoo?” I say his name quietly and look around.  _ There’s no one in the back... _ “Wonwoo?” I walk to the other side and try my luck there, but I come up with nothing other than rows and rows of books and dusty shelves. I try the back once more, just incase I missed him or maybe he was placing a book back and I didn’t see him among the shelves. “Pst.  _ Wonwoo _ ?” still nothing.

A frustrated sigh leves my lips.“Where the hell did he go?”  _ What if he ditched me? He wouldn't do something like that right? I mean he doesn't seem the type, but then again, I can’t really determine how he is because I just met the guy yesterday.  _ I shake my head and pull out my phone.

**To Wonwoo:**

**-You’re still at school, right?**

**-You just weren't at the library**

I wait a couple minutes, standing between the anatomy and biology section, and still no reply.  _ I’ll just ask the librarian. _ Stuffing my cell into my pocket, I make my way back towards the front desk.

“Excuse me.” I place my hands atop the clean counter that’s neatly displaying some anti-bullying bookmarks and a couple stacks of various other pamphlets. “Have there been any students in here in the past hour?” I ask in a lowered tone.

“Hmm. Other than the two girls over there,” She points a aged finger and I follow.  _ Oh I forgot about the two students from earlier. _ “a real quiet boy sat by the windows for a while, but he left about-” She turns and looks at the clock hanging on the wall. “-twenty minutes ago.”

_ Twenty minutes!? _

“Thank you.” I turn to leave, but suddenly turn back around. “Oh um, do you possibly know where or which way he went?” I ask hopefully.

“No, sorry.”

With that I turn around like a puppy who’s been kicked and shuffle back out towards the hall and out the back double doors of the school.

I’m left with no one but my own wandering thoughts that seem to slip out of my mouth. “Did he leave without me?” I scoff and begin to wonder what I may have done to make him walk out on our shared ride home. He didn’t seem bothered with waiting for me, in fact he seemed actually kind of happy earlier when I suggested the sudden idea.

_ He probably just got tired of waiting or maybe his dad needed him home? _

The running thoughts are stopped when I hear some shoes scuffling. My ears perk up at the sudden sound “-and to think you survived that car accident?!” I faintly hear someone hysterically say. I follow to where I hear the voice and come to an abandoned corner of the schools exterior.

“Don’t look so surprised, it’s easy to find out that kind of information.” I hide behind the jutted corner where I know no one can see me and I begin to listen. “Oh, my apologies, you probably wouldn't understand how easy something like that would be, you know, to just look up simple info from your phone.” The sound of something hard landing on the concrete can clearly be heard, along with a few chu ckles. “ _ Damn _ , would you look at this dinosaur!?” Among the laughter I start to hear short breaths, l ike someone's struggling to catch their own.

“I gotta hand it to you Wonwoo; you’re a pretty chill guy,” My eyes widened and I peak my head quickly past the bricked corner. “well that’s what it  _ seems  _ like at least.” I can't really see much other than a circle of boys gathered around someone who’s kneeling and I can only assume the ‘someone’ is none other than Wonwoo. I curl my hands into tight fists and begin to feel my nails digging into my chilled palms. Sharp, crescent shaped pain erupts.

“S-s-s-to-p.” I hear Wonwoo barely able to speak out and I am speechless as to why these guys are doing this.

“Hm, what was that?” I begin to see red when I suddenly realize who the ma in bully’s v oice belongs to. “Your breathing is a little too  _ sporadic  _ for me to understand.” I drop my bag on the concrete and walk heatedly towards the circle.

“What the _ hell _ are you doing to him!” I yell out firmly and all at once everyone excluding Wonwoo jerks their head in my direction in surprise. Not a word is spoken and the only sound is Wonwoo’s short breaths. “Someone fucking answer me, before I  _ completely  _ lose my shit!” My eyes jerk back and forth between each and every person around me,  _ pleading _ , for any answer.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Joonea’s callused hands are brought up in defense as he begins to saunter towards me, much to my distaste. “calm down… Mingyu, was it?” I keep staring at him in horror. How can someone be so senseless as to what’s going on in front of him? Does he not see Wonwoo’s struggling breaths a nd tensed body that’s currently being restricted and kept upright by two emotionless high schoolers, who’s faces I don’t even recognize. Does he not understand how something as simple as personal space works? 

I continue to dig my blunt nails hard into my cold, yet now sweating, hands and begin to feel skin  breaking, but the pain from earlier begins to rescind, r eplaced by a numbing sensation. “Let. Him. Go.  _ Now _ !” I about startle Joonea’s little gang of ‘friends’ with my sudden raise of tone and no one makes a move, not even Wonwoo.

Wait.

_ He’s not moving! _

His body is limp and motionless, held in the grip of the two boys and without a second thought I begin to go after him. “WONWOO! Wak-” I’m stopped dead in my tracks by about four other students, holding me back by my arms and waist, just a couple yards away from the one who needs me the most right now. I let out a distressed noise and Joonea begins to walk slowly towards me with an expressionless face. A sudden chill runs down my spine. He stops about a foot in front of me, blocking my view of Wonwoo. Joonea tilts his head while looking intently into my fiery eyes and then turns around and stares behind him, then back towards me again. After a few seconds of empty silence he lets out a single chuckle, one that can almost be called cynical.

“Oh!” He raises his eyebrows high. “Okay, I get it now!” Joonea brings his hands up and claps, before moving to where I can now see Wonwoo and then points to the both of us. “You two are dating, right? Mr. Big Shot is dating the new kid?”

I let out a frustrated growl and begin attempting to violently shake off the unwanted restraints that are in the form of hands. “Can’t you see he’s  _ unconscious _ !?  _ Let him go _ !” I sound about desperate at this point, bu t I couldn't gi ve a shit less. Just as long as I can get Wonwoo to the nurse's office or just  _ some  _ type of help in general is all that matters to me right now.

“Whatever, just tell your boyfriend to never lay his pasty ass hands on me again, otherwise, I’ll break them off.”

With those last and threatening words he cooly stalks off, picking up his own bag on the way and heading towards the back gates. The two boys holding up Wonwoo follow next after letting him fall the rest of the way towards the icy concrete,  his head luckily landing on his tossed satchel. Lastly the four other boys holding me back loosen their grips and I violently shake the rest of the way out, ignoring their frightened fleeing, too concerned about m aking my way to the unconscious senior.

My knees slam onto the drab and rough ground as I begin to shake the older with both hands. “Wonwoo!”  _ Stay calm. You have to stay calm in these types of situations. _ “Wake up...please.” I take a deep and rigid breath, but it does nothing to calm me down. “Come on…” My strong and chill hands move rhythmically against Wonwoo’s covered chest, trying to give him a jolt of warmth and just some type of impact to make him open his eyes or give a sound of response.  “You’re okay, wake up.” I barely whisper out as I scoot to position myself behind him and bring his upper half into my lap, so that he’s not just lying on the schools disheveled concrete.

“Wake up.”

_ Why are you shaking? _

“Wake up.”

_ The Great Gatsby is one of my favorites…  _

“Wake up.”

_ We’re friends, right? _

“Mingyu?” A voice cuts through the chilled wind and my entire body stiffens. Then I remember.

_ I know that voice. _

I hear their carefully placed footsteps before I see them; Seungcheol and Jeonghan meekly walk forward and stand a few feet away from where I’m basically cradling Wonwoo’s upper body in my lap. It’s right then that I realize how much I am actually shaking. My cold hands, that are protectively around the unmoving boy, are fumbling around just trying to make enough movement to wake the senior boy up. But just as before, nothing seems to work.

“Hey buddy, let's…” Seungcheol steps forward and I, uncharacteristically, twitch at his approach. I forcefully sweep my scared eyes away and up towards my friend. His hands are up in front of his chest in a non threatening way, as if to say ‘I mean no harm’ and his steps are slow and steady.  “Let’s help him  up,  okay?” he says in weary tone. Seungcheol then squats down in front of Wonwoo and I, while eyeing the situation carefully.

Switching my attention away from the older I then move my eyes towards Jeonghan, who looks calm and collected. I stare at him until he speaks.

“He’s just unconscious, he’ll be fine. I prom ise.” A re his first words.

I shake my head and look back down at Wonwoo.

“His breathing is even stable, there’s nothing to worry about. We just need to take him home.” Jeonghan says in a comforting tone, but I can clearly see Wonwoo is not fine. I have no  idea what Joonea did to him before I showed up, for all I know he could have beaten him!

Seungcheol carefully sits down on his calves in front of us, all while Jeonghan stands and observes quietly. “You can ride with Jeonghan and I.” I forgot they were going on a date after school, but I can’t imagine why they are still here. “Do you know where Wonwoo lives?” The sudden question has me jolting m y eyes away from the male I’m currently holding.

“No.” I answer without hesitation. “We need to take him to the hosp-”

“No, there’s no need to do that. Really, he’s fine.” Jeonghan says over me and this time a bit forceful.

“But-” I try to reason hopelessly.

With a small sigh the long haired male continues “He’s sleeping. His anxiety must've been too much, it happens.” He explains in a matter of fact sort of tone and I’m taken back a little. “I’m not sure what happened before we showed up, but I can tell you, right now, Wonwoo is  _ fine _ .”

I can hear Jeonghan talking and I can clearly see Seungcheol nodding along to what he’s saying, but I’m not fully understanding something. “Anxiety?” the word slips out of my cold lips before I can even register my own thoughts.

“You didn’t know? You two seemed pretty close.”

I scrunch up my eyebrows and shake my head slightly at the comment, because even though I know now that we are friends, Wonwoo even said so himself, I feel like there’s a different air around us. This air is completely different from when I’m around Jun, Vernon, DK, or just… anyone. The two seniors are looking at me expectedly, for me to make a move and I whisper out the first logical thing I can think of. “We should probably call his parents first.” I bring my hand up from gripping Wonwoo's still shoulder and sweep some hair that has shifted in front of his eyes.

“His parents numbers shou ld be in his phone right?” Seungcheol suggests  while standing up.

“Yeah, h-his dad’s.” I say, a little hopeful, remembering the contact list from earlier today. I maneuver myself around the sleeping male carefully and shakily reac h into the olders loose pockets.

Empty. Both of them.

I check his blazer pockets.

Empty.

“I-I can’t find it.” I say a little frantic.

“Check in his bag.” Jeonghan adds in collectedly, which kind of pisses me off. How can he be calm when someone is literally passed out right in front of him? 

Seungcheol walks towards the tousled looking bag,  strewn) across the ground, and picks it up gingerly. He looks inside once, twice, and once more, each time his eyebrows seem to forrow deeper and deeper. “It’s not in his satchel either…” He states in a confused tone.

“Are you sure it's not in his bag? Maybe I the front zipper or something?” I ask, but with no luck Seungcheol shakes his head back and forth.

“Do you have his number?” Seungcheol then asks.

I quickly grab my phone out of my pocket, without giving him an answer, and go to my contacts choosing the one under Wonwoo.

…

“It went straight to voicemail.”

“What do we do then?” Jeonghan lightly asks.

I look at the whole situation in front of me as carefully as I can with how shaky I’m currently feeling. An idea pops into my head, it’s not a good one, that’s for sure, but it’s the only one I have. “Um, I guess he can, uh, stay at my place.” I offer up. “You know, since my parents are out.”

Seungcheol nods his head lightly and takes out his keys from his back pocket. “Okay then, to your house it is.” He says as he also picks mine and Wonwoo’s bags off the ground and slings them over his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

I look down at the senior in my arms and lightly move one under and around his narrow shoulders and the other under his knees. Jeonghan hastily walks towards me when he sees me begin to pick up Wonwoo, but I stop him before he can get any closer. “I got it.” I give him a tight smile and head to the parked car in the front of the school, reminding myself to later ask Seungcheol why the two of them were at the school so late and to also ask Wonwoo why he’s so light for a fully grown senior.

●●

“Call us if you need  _ any  _ help with  _ anything _ .” Seungcheol comments as he helps place Wonwoo on my back. “We’ll be right down the road.” I let out a huff, due to the grown boy currently being situated atop my back and jerk Wonwoo up the rest of the way, holding his lower legs tightly in the crook of my elbows, along with both of our school bags. The oldest shuts the car door then leans against it and folds his arms in a worried manner. “ Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?” He asks out quietly.

I shake my head lightly back and forth. “We’ll be okay. I just need to get him into a bed so he can rest. Thank you, guys. For your help.” Seungcheol nods in understanding and reaches out to pat me a couple times on my bicep.

“Okay man, see you later.” He turns around and I do the same, heading towards my front door that Jeonghan has already opened for me since I gave him my house keys while we were getting Wonwoo out of the car. I pass by him and he comments about how the keys are placed on the table when you walk inside. I give him a nod and continue forward.

“Hey, Mingyu.” I carefully turn my head back around and notice Jeonghan, who has rolled down the passenger side window and is currently giving me a warm smile. “He’s going to be okay.”

●●

I place Wonwoo gently down onto my, neatly made, bed and carefully untie his shoes and place them down beside me. I then adjust the pillows, making sure that his head is centered into a more comfortable position. Finally I grab an extra duvet from the laundry room downstairs, that way I won’t have to pull my own- that he’s currently laying on top o f- out from under him. T he whole situation would be too difficult. 

The silence becomes heavy but somehow tranquil at the same time. Maybe it’s because I am not alone or maybe it is because Wonwoo’s breaths seem to be filling in the white noise perfectly fine, but all I know is that this ‘silence’ is not the same.

“You really scared me.” I finally whisper out towards Wonwoo’s still figure, slicing the silence with my quivering voice. The only movement comes from his narrow chest, moving delicately up and down in an agonizingly slow motion. I bring up  one of my hands, that was previously folded atop my lap, and place it inside Wonwoo’s hand that is laying loosely beside his covered hip. I then give the sleeping boy’s hand a tentative squeeze and let out a shaky breath, before letting go and quickly standing back up.

I notice the streaming light filtering in through my sheer curtains.

_ The light might wake him… _

Pulling the blackout curtains, that I barely use, over my decorative ones, I successfully make the room almost pitch black and decide I should probably let Wonwoo rest.

_ “He’s sleeping. His anxiety must've been too much, it happens.” _

Jeonghan’s words replay in my head in a blurry mess. What really sticks out though is the information he provided. How does he know Wonwoo has anxiety? I let out an apprehensive sigh before beginning to walking across the wooden floor and towards the door. I look back at Wonwoo one last time befor e lightly p ulling the knob, trying not to make a sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even reading this still? Anyways, thanks if you still are XD If you enjoyed a specific part of the chapter please feel free to comment and if you could please leave some constructed criticism good or bad! As always, until next time<3


	9. Four Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu has no idea what he's doing, but Wonwoo already knows this.

I busy myself with just about anything I can find.

Normally, I would blow off steam via jog and just _run_ until every breath is burning my lungs with each inhale. Run until every muscle in my body is tingling with exhaustion. Run until my head is _cleared up_. But I’m not comfortable leaving Wonwoo alone. What if the latter was to wake up while I was away and started to panic?

_“...His anxiety must've been too much for him.”_

I’d never purposely put him through an uncomfortable situation like that.

It first starts with the downstairs living room. I clean and organize the entire area from top to bottom without any room for a breather, in a trance like state. The amount of dust that has collected on the rag currently in my hand is little to none, but I continue to wipe down the fireplace mantel and any wooden surface in sight. Next on my hit list is the kitchen. My mother keeps the place spotless, much to my dismay, so I opt to do the next best thing: cook. If I can not clean the area, I’ll just have to distract myself with something else. I take out multiple ingredients and place them atop the smooth granite countertop. My brain switches on autopilot and just begins to _make_ something…

But soon I’m thinking about _it_ , again.

_“And to believe you survived that car accident”_

What did that scumbag mean by that?

My brows are furrowed in frustrated confusion as I continue to chop the rest of the crisp vegetables on the wooden board in front of me,  knife slicing with ease. With each agitated cut inching closer and closer to the end of the stalk, I feel the anger towards Wonwoo’s bullies grow larger. How come they said such hurtful things to someone who has barely even been at our school for less than a week? It just doesn't make any sense.

Wait. DK mentioned something about Wonwoo slapping-or was it hitting- Joonea? And yesterday when I was passing by the principal's office… I heard all that yelling.

So what they did to the older after school today was _‘payback’_ for what he had done the day before… That’s why DK was so eager to tell us about the fight and this is why Wonwoo had gotten so nervous once DK had mentioned what had happened. It all makes sense now, I just hate that it played out this way. My stomach begins to churn and twist in different directions and I begin to feel nauseous.

I should have been there, _not_ in detention. I should have told him to go on ahead and walk home, not agreeing on him staying. It was so fucking stupid of me… but I can’t change what has already happened.

My chopping slows down drastically and comes to a shallow stop. I relax my glare that was previously stamped on my face and stare blankly ahead. Joonea’s words keep on playing like a broken record and I just _can’t stand it_ any longer. I have to know.

●●

Looking up information that can send you confusing messages and even harmful ones, should _never_ be attempted to seek. Looking up someone _else's_ personal information and trying to gather as many clues as you can possibly find is even worse. Doing these types of actions can cause whoever you’re looking up, be it a friend or a classmate, to lose trust in you. But it's all part of how humans work. We figure out ways to understand certain situations, even when there are risks involved.

I know this, yet here I am.

To be honest, I’m nervous as I sit down in Minseo’s computer chair and I also mentally note how her rolling seat doesn’t have an annoying squeak like mine does. I opt to use her desktop over mine simply because I do not want the sleeping senior  to wake from me typing away on my keyboard. Luckily I know her login password so this shouldn't take too long. I nervously nibble on my lower lip while simultaneously clicking open a new tab.

The rolling clouds from out the nearby window are casting intricate patterns across the computer screen and a chill runs down my clothed arms as I remember how cold the weather seemed to be today. I then shortly realize the hesitation that is beginning to rumble around in my gut causing my throat to dry up in a nervous Sahara.

_What would I even begin to search, or more like, where? Facebook?_

I log into my barely used social media account, strategically ignoring the red notification bubble, and looking up Wonwoo’s name.

Nothing.

“Not really surprising.” I murmur out, before logging off. “There’s got to be something.” Letting out a frustrated sigh, I drag my hand slowly down my face. _Think. Think. Think._

“His phone number!” I quickly sit back up into my seat. When Joshua comes over he always makes me watch this foreign show called _Catfish_ . In the series they use something called reverse number tracking. The tracking lets you know where the number came from and the name of the person who pays for the phone bill. This may just be me reaching out _a bit_ too far, but it’s the only thing I can think of.

I push myself away from the desk and reluctantly make my way back into my room. The door opens quietly and I look over towards the bed. Light casting from the hallway let’s me see that Wonwoo is laying just as still and peaceful as before, his chest rising and falling slowly. His head has turned a bit to the side, causing dark bangs to fall back down, brushing his eyes slightly, but other than that the older hasn’t moved an inch. I slowly pad over to my dresser and grab my phone along with two pairs of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a light jumper- keeping in mind how reclusive the older is of his scars. I then stalk back over to the foot of the bed and place down the pair of comfortable clothes for Wonwoo to change into, just incase he wakes up and decides to switch out of the uniform.

As I’m walking back out of the room and shutting the door lightly, I notice the underline meaning of placing the clothing out. I basically just invited him to stay over and I did it without even using a single word. The older boy is smart enough to know this. A sudden heat spreads across the back of my neck and I let out a weak groan as I step into the bathroom to change my clothes. “Stop overthinking this.”

Once I’m sat back down in Minseo’s room I begin to feel even more nervous than before.

I want to keep the trust factor of Wonwoo’s and I’s friendship, but I’m kinda breaking it by doing this. The older will hopefully let me know of his past sometime in the future, I’m sure of it, but right now I just need to know.

Tracking the number down takes a matter of seconds and the results come up with a man by the name of Jeon Sungho, age 41. He’s around the same age as my father, so I assume this man is Wonwoo’s dad. I continue down the page and notice the number was registered in Daejeon. _That must have been where they moved from._ Huh, I used to live there too, but moved when I was quite young so I have little to no memories of the place _. Interesting._ I skeptically open another tab, previous thought long forgotten, and log back into facebook. This time I type in the name of Wonwoo’s father, just to see if anything pops up.

Bingo.

I click on the profile that matches all the information. The page doesn’t look like the older man is very active, a few posts about local produce stores, some promotional posts for his own business, but what catches my attention is an aged family photograph as the mans profile picture. I become curious and immediately click the image. I see a man and a woman standing on either side of a younger looking Wonwoo, maybe around eight or ten years old in the photo. A smile slowly appears on my face at the latter's own bright smile. My eyes rake over the entire scene of the three of them standing happily on a deserted beach. I quickly note the sunset happening in the background and tell myself to remember to ask if the older would one day maybe want to go to a nearby beach.

I look back at his parents and notice an older looking man with the same facial structure as the senior and then I take a look at the last person, the woman. Her smile and eyes are basically copied and pasted onto Wonwoo’s, while also sharing the same nose. “Strange, he didn’t have his mom’s number in his phone.” I whisper out to no one in particular. I’m about to close out of the picture and continue on my search for information when a comment from the side catches my attention.

_“May you rest in peace Mikyung, a wife and mother with a lovable personality. You will be missed greatly.” Posted 4 years ago._

“What?”

I continue to read comment after comment, tired eyes moving rapidly back and forth. My face that was once filled with pure curiosity and lightness about the olders past is now a sorrowful one. “No.” I barely rasp out. My breathing becomes shallow as I click open another tab. I type in the names and location, in seconds a link for an online news article appears and with a bit of hesitation, I click on it.

_On XX/XX/XXXX a tragic car accident took place in the bustling city of Daejeon. The accident involved two vehicles, in the first: a mother (Jeon Mikyung) and her son, (Jeon Wonwoo), and the second: a young man (Lee Gyunghuk). The vehicle containing the mother and son had swerved into the oncoming traffic, for unknown reasons, causing the smaller vehicle to collide with the truck driver. The smaller vehicle was sent tumbling into the nearby woods off the side of the freeway. Unfortunately Jeon Mikyung had bled out before the paramedics could arrive, her death was announced on scene. Jeon Wonwoo had suffered from severe muscle contusion, a minor concussion, and a fractured leg. Lee Gyunghuk walked out from the accident with minor scrapes and a head concussion. Jeon Mikyung was not under the influence of intoxication, any type of medication, or narcotics…_

The article continues on, but I do not bother with reading anymore. Instead I sit frozen as a numbing sensation takes control over my entire body from head to toe. I don't even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks until a few droplets drip onto my quivering hands. The room becomes a little darker than before after I suck in a deep breath- which only ends up in a hitching mess of tears being held back and a loss of breath. My trembling hands find their way to my face- placed haphazardly on either side of my temples as I lean my elbows on the wooden desk and I just silently let the tears roll down.

I feel so immensely lost. Caught up in the time stopping moment of Wonwoo’s past- his _family's_ past. This is not just about him anymore, it’s also about the older man in the photos: his _father_ . It’s about the other number on his lost cell phone: his _grandmother_ . It’s about the loss of a another _person_.

To have your mother taken away _just like that_ and without warning is crushing to anyone. Hell. Just to be gone at all is horrible in itself. I honestly cannot even begin to understand how Wonwoo has felt all this time, I’m not sure I ever will. This happened years ago and the older has probably moved on, but then I think about all the disgusting words the bullies have said and just as the thought appears, so does a fresh batch of tears, falling faster this time around. The entire house is silent and the only sound you can hear is the patterning of sleet that’s beginning to fall outside.

_Ah, that must be why the room has gotten darker. Freaking great._

After a few minutes have passed and my tears have become almost nonexistent, I drag my now damp hands roughly into my lap and sit back heavily in the office chair. “Shit…”

Clearing my sinuses up and wiping my face off, I click out of the tabs and clear the history of any sign that I was here and slowly stand up. Shivers are running down my bare arms the second I begin to move, but I can’t really care in this moment.

I tell myself- and I mean it- that if I want to know _anything_ about Wonwoo or vise versa, it’ll be done face to face. Not from online, by friends, or acquaintances. Just him and I.

●●

My head is wandering to unreachable topics of Wonwoo’s past. I shouldn't have searched for it. I shouldn't have even thought about it. What the hell was I thinking? That _‘oh maybe if I read up on a few articles, then maybe I’d feel closer to him because I know something?’_ Without much more room for debate I continue on with the cooking while cursing myself everytime a thought of my previous actions conjures up.

An hour has passed since the last time I checked the clock on the wall. I mentally note that I should probably go and check on Wonwoo sometime soon, maybe he should get up to eat something-

My thoughts are cut short when I notice a figure move from around the kitchen entrance and I about drop the lid I was holding onto the tiled floor, from the startle. My eyes return to a normal size once I realize it’s just Wonwoo. I quickly notice that the senior is free of limping or any noticeable discomfort and I inwardly let out a sigh of relief.

_I’m so glad that he’s looking and acting just fine._

“Oh, hey.” I announce carefully-even though I’m anything but-, watching the older weakly rub his eyes a little with a curled up fist, while my heart does a weird flip inside my chest. The older then yawns before walking closer towards to where I’m standing frozen in front of the island, which by the way, is covered in dirtied bowls, utensils, and scattered peelings. Wonwoo makes a small noise of acknowledgement and continues to look around as I stand awkwardly with a lid thats dripping with condensation still in my hands. I have to remind myself to not change the way I see the older, to not treat Wonwoo any differently just because I know a snippet of his past. ”How are you feeling? Do you need something to drink or maybe some medicine?”

“My head hurts a little, but that happens when my panic attacks are bad. Other than that I’m fine, just tired That’s all.” I nod my head in understanding since Jeonghan also mentioned the same thing. “If you have any, I wouldn't mind a couple of pain relievers”

I nod my head earnestly and make my way to the top cabinet beside the sink where we keep all our vitamins, household drugs, and medication. “Uhm, I made dinner if you’re hungry. Or if you’re ready to go home I can walk you, it’s sleeting pretty bad out there and I don’t want you to go alone.” I pull out the bottle of pain relievers and turn to hand them to the older and then I gesture to the glass of water I placed on the table earlier. Wonwoo catches on and proceeds to pop two pills into his mouth and goes for the glass of water. “Also, uhm you probably don’t know your way back to your house from here.” Wonwoo nods his head and looks back up at me.

He then looks towards my hand that is _still_ holding the forgotten pot lid, gives me a weak smirk. “Thanks. What time is it?” His deep voice discards any tension that was left, like magic.

I ignore the fact that he didn’t answer any of the question and look over towards the clock hanging near the fridge and back towards the older. “Seven fifty six” His eyes widen slightly and there is a few beats of awkward silence before he speaks again.

“Can I borrow your phone?”

“Oh y-yeah sure.” _He must know about his missing phone…_ I pull the device out of my pocket with a free hand. “Here.” I don’t ask why, trusting that he won’t do anything irrational.

“Thank you.” Wonwoo walks a few feet away from me and begins to type out a message. I place the pill bottle back where it belongs and decide to finally place the dripping lid back down onto it’s original pot. “Can I, uhm, stay tonight?” Wonwoo asks, turning around to face me with an unreadable expression.

“Stay over?” My voice cracks a little while the drumming beats continue to rise from inside my chest. “Yeah. Yes, I mean yes!” _Fucking smooth._ “It's no big deal.” I place my phone back into my pocket once Wonwoo has given it back and that's when I notice.

_Oh, the clothes!_

The older is still clad in his school uniform, which is probably super uncomfortable by now. “I actually left some clothes on my bed, they’re clean I promise. You can change into those and if you want you can take a shower, I’ll just uh, stay down here.” Wonwoo smiles down at the ground and then nods his head in understanding. Looking more awake, he ventures over towards the stove and countertops that contain finished dishes. “I made gyeran-jjim, japchae, and gamjatang, but the gamjatang has another thirty minutes left before it’s done.” The older stays quiet, just looking around, which is somehow making me anxious and I’m not quite sure why. “They’re nothing fancy, I mean they’re _okay_ , but I’m not a chef, so…”

“You- you made all of this?” Wonwoo asks in wonderment while looking back at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah I was, uhm, hungry.” I give him a half lie, not wanting to bring the topic up just yet. I clear my throat and grab Wonwoo’s shoulders, turning him around and ushering the older down the hall and back upstairs. “Hurry up and take a shower so we can eat!” He lets out an airy chuckle and shrugs my hands off of his shoulders once we’re halfway up the stairs. I then quickly make a detour to my bedroom why the older waits in front of the bathroom. I grab the forgotten sweatpants and sweater off my bed and thrust them into Wonwoo’s hands. “Towels are in the top cabinet!” I announce once he’s locked inside my bathroom.

The second my feet hit the bottom stair my cell buzzes in my in my sweatpants pocket. I pull out the phone to see a new message from an unknown number. My curiosity gets the better of me as I unlock the screen. Wonwoo’s message that he previously sent is on the screen along with the new text.

**To XXX-XXXX:**

**-This is Wonwoo**

**-I’m texting from a friends phone. I lost mine at school. I’ll be home sometime tomorrow, so don’t worry if I’m not there when you get back.**

**From XXX-XXXX:**

**-Ok son be safe. I’ll see about getting you a new cell sometime this week. Love you.**

And that’s it. Nothing else. I let a sigh leave my mouth at the simple exchange and slip the phone back into my pocket.

●●

It’s been awhile since Wonwoo went to take a shower, about 45 minutes and I try not to think too much about it. The older has had a rough day, so it’s understandable if he wants to just take his time.

I finish placing two glasses of water onto the table, adjacent from each other, when my phone buzzes a couple times from inside my pocket.

**From Seungcheol:**

**-hows everything going?**

_I never messaged the older when Wonwoo woke up, he must be worried._ I nibble on my lower lip and lean my backside onto the island counter while typing out a reply.

**To Seungcheol:**

**-Good. Wonwoo’s awake and taking a shower. We are about to eat :)**

**From Seungcheol:**

**\- alrighty,, i just dropped off Jeonghan so i’ll be at home**

**\- hey are you serious about wanting to talk to my mom??? i’ll let her know if you want to make an appointment**

My bottom lip that's currently trapped between my teeth is released once I lower my phone to look at nothing in particular. I did say I would try consulting,- which coincidentally is Seungcheol’s mother- but can I really do it? Will speaking to a school counselor really solve my problems? It truly can’t be _that_ easy… Can it? I let out a sigh and cautiously bring my phone back in front of me, typing out my message and pressing send before I think too hard about it.

**To Seungcheol:**

**\- Yeah. Ask her if next friday is alright.**

**\- That’s when I have tutoring. I’ll have to talk with her about other meeting times after that one though.**

I watch the little dots- indicating that the older is typing out a reply- move at the bottom of the screen and nervously wait for his reply.

**From Seungcheol:**

**-i will let her know. just call me if you need anything man**

Letting out a sigh, I click the button on the side of my phone to lock the screen and then bring the device up to my forehead to lean into it while closing my eyes. I knock the phone gently against my head a couple of times before I hear a door from upstairs creaking on its hinges. _Wonwoo must be out._ I quickly finish setting the table, conversation placed far in the back of my head, while the older pads quietly into the kitchen.

“Smells good.” I give him a thankful smile and instantly notice how my sweater seems to engulf him and how Wonwoo now smells like my body wash. Why is the thought of him smelling like me enticing? I shake my head to clear it of any other foreign thoughts and quickly think of a topic to distract myself with.

“Hey, you, uh, got a reply from your…” I hold out my cell for him and pause, not really knowing if the person he texted was his grandmother, father, or perhaps someone else entirely. Right now Wonwoo’s life is almost a complete mystery to me.

“Dad.” He finishes my sentence and takes the phone gently, our fingers brushing slightly in the process. _His fingers are icy cold._ I think to myself as I mentally shiver at the thought.

Wonwoo lets out a muffled _‘thanks’_ after reading the message and giving my cell back. “He’s on a business trip a few towns over. I should at least let him know where I’m at.” I watch the older as he plops himself down at the dining table and looks back up at me. “Where’s _your_ family at anyways?” The olders hair is still a little damp and really the only thing running through my mind is Wonwoo should have dried his hair a little better so he doesn’t get sick.

I turn around to scoop out some rice for the two of us. “My mom and dad are on a trip until late Monday, so my younger sister, Minseo, decided to stay with my grandparents and I decided to just stay here.” I shrug a shoulder, the whole situation not being too huge of a deal and the older nods his head with an unreadable expression. I finish setting the food down on the table and look towards Wonwoo expectantly. “Here, eat plenty!” I begin to place multiple pieces of food atop the older boy’s rice bowl.

He looks up to me with wide eyes “Mingyu I-I don't think I can eat all-”

“Sure you can.” I say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and the older decides to just comply and eat the food given to him.

We eat in relative silence for what feels like an eternity due to the giant elephant in the room, but once I notice the older is more than halfway done with his meal I bring up the topic I’ve been dreading and anticipating, all at the same time.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened?” I ask just above a whisper. “You don’t have to tell me any specifics, but I just want to let you know that I’m here if you _want_ to talk.” The words come out quicker this time and Wonwoo seems to have caught on. “Since we’re friends, you know?”

He guides his eyes off to the side of my head, looking past me, and we stay like that for a few beats. Wonwoo looks like he’s debating options in his head, having an inner battle of some sorts, before he lets out a quiet and shaky sigh. “Yesterday…” I watch carefully, with anticipation, as he licks his lips in hesitation of the topic. “I slapped him and today it backfired.” Wonwoo shrugs his petite shoulders weakly. “I was waiting in the library for you, but, uhm, some students were being too loud and I decided to just wait outside the detention room. I was out in the hall for maybe… five or ten minutes when some guys approached me and dragged me out of the building.” I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion and Wonwoo avoids my questioning gaze completely. “I was so confused and shocked- _just caught up in the moment_ \- that it didn’t occur to me that I should yell for help or do anything to try and stop them.” There’s silence and neither of us move to eat or move in general.

Wonwoo lets out a shaky breath and picks up his chopsticks, not eating with the utensils, but moving around the food with them instead. “He didn't hit me if that’s what you're thinking, in fact he never once touched me.” The older says quietly. “He was yelling at me a lot and he, uh, brought up my past and tried using it against me. He took my bag and started to pull some of my stuff out, once he got to my phone he slammed it on the ground and I believe one of the guys picked it up and kept it.” I’m beginning to shake. I’m not too sure if it’s from anger, sadness, or a combination of the two, but my quivering hands laying between my bent knees will not stop.

The heavy weight the older has had to carry, the weight of his past, his present, and eventually whatever is thrown at him in the future. I’m emotionally distraught at the mere thought of Wonwoo having to handle it all by himself. The older _needs_ someone. Anyone.

I take a calming breath to ease the quakeyness from my hands. “That’s about when you passed out…” The words leave my lips and my eyes immediately look over to the senior for his reaction. Wonwoo nods his head slowly and looks past me and somewhere to the side, as if trying to remember something. The older then places his utensils down with an unreadable expression.

“The last thing I can remember was you coming out of nowhere and yelling, I’m not too sure what you were saying.” Wonwoo is basically whispering at this point and I immediately wonder if I had said or reminded him of something that upset him.

“I told them to let you go.” I nervously let my uneven teeth graze my bottom lip, ever so slowly, while I try to subside my rising temper at the mere thought of the memory. “I was so scared and… angry, that a lot of what happened is a little blurry in my memory right now.” I laugh a little, but there is zero humor to it and the air becomes still and heavy at the same time. Wonwoo has his eyes downcast towards the plate in front of him and I have my own looking at anything but him.

But he soon breaks the silence. “I guess he didn’t find out too much about me… because if he did, Joonea would have found out that’ve been bullied for _years_ now and simple things like what he did today don’t affect me in the slightest.” Wonwoo’s voice is shaking. Almost like this is a little hard for him to admit. I immediately feel my eyes moisten up and my hands turning into tight fists at the sound of the olders tone, because not only is this hard for him to say, but I realize seconds later that it also sounds like Wonwoo is _scared_. “I-”

 _“Don’t say that_ .” Wonwoo’s confused gaze locks in with my own concerned pair. The moisture in my eyes begins to sting, but I have to tell myself to hold back, just this once. The older lets out a hushed _‘what?’_ “I said don’t say that.” I let out with more emphasis. “You’re a human being with _feelings_ and _emotions_ , don’t tell me the things people have said to you don’t affect you when they clearly do, Wonwoo.” The older’s mouth opens and closes resulting in silence. I continue. “It’s okay to admit that y-you're hurt on the inside. It’s fine to, you know, be scared every once and awhile.” My voice has softened and I begin to smooth my fists along my sweatpants until my palms are laid flat against my clothed thighs. “You don’t have to lie about it;  hell, I’m going through some shit with my own emotions and I didn’t quite realize it until _today_.” Wonwoo tears his gaze away from mine and I let out a tiny sigh.

“My point is, what he did was _not right_ and you know that, so don’t act like it doesn’t matter; because it does. You should tell the principal on Monday or something along the lines of just letting someone in the higher ups _know_ about the bullying. I-I don’t care about how you hit him, that was handled in the office and nothing more should have escalated from that… but it did.” It’s quiet for a few beats and Wonwoo finally looks back up at me. My stomach does that weird flipping thing like it had done earlier. “I worry about you… I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I don’t really think that’s a good enough reason for me _not_ to feel this way.” I finish by making direct eye contact with the older and my hands are shaking.

_I can’t believe I just said all of that._

He blinks once, twice, and then. “You’re right…” I watch as he licks his lips and catches the bottom one between his teeth. Then there’s a moment of heavey of silence before we both begin to speak at once.

“Mingyu, I-”

“Sorry, it’s just-”

We’re both cut off by my phone aggressively vibrating on top of the dining table where I had placed it when I sat down. The screen flashes the caller’s ID ‘ _Vernon_ ’. I look quickly back up at Wonwoo and notice his mouth still open from his previous statement. Reluctantly, I pick the cell up and raise a finger. “Uh, just a sec.” The senior nods his head and picks up his chopsticks hesitantly. “Hello?” There’s some sniffing and rigid breaths on the other side, causing my eyebrows to crease in confusion.

 _“Mingyu! Oh, thank god you picked up! Joshua and DK’s phones went straight to voicemail a-and Soonyoung is at the movies right now…  I-I, uh, need to come over.”_ Vernon’s voice is almost frantic and a bit desperate.

“What?” I unconsciously look up and catch Wonwoo staring at me worriedly- my face can’t be any better. I give him a tight smile and stand from the table. “Hold on, slow down.” I calmly say and make my way to the living room. “Is something wrong?” The words slip out, even though I have a hunch of what it could be already.

 _“My-...”_ Sounds of a dresser being closed and opened again can be heard on the other line. _He’s packing clothes,_ I think dejectedly to myself. _“My mo-”_

I can hear his struggling breaths and I decide to finish the sentence for him.“Your mom.” I hear a faint _‘yes’_ and multiple breaths being hitched. I close my eyes and put on a brave voice for the younger because one of us has to stay strong. “Is it bad again?” Another whisper of a strained _‘yes’_ can be heard through the line. “Yeah buddy it’s fine, do you need me to pick you up or-”

 _“No, I’ll walk. Thank you Mingyu.”_ Vernon cuts me off and I nod in understanding. He probably wants to clear his head and surround himself with silence for a while. I get it.

“Yeah, no problem. Be safe.” The line clicks, signalling that the younger has hung up. He sounded a lot more startled than usual and I can’t help but feel concerned for him. The guy has had it quite rough since the separation of his parents. It’s only been _a year_ , but he’s the one his mom usually takes it out on.

I let a long sigh out. _Today has been all kinds of fucked up._

My feet automatically begin to walk me back towards the dining table and I notice Wonwoo finishing up whatever was left on his plate. I make my presence known by clearing my dry throat and sit stiffly back into my chair. The older looks back up at me with a questioning stare, as if he wants to know how the call went, but I know he won't pry. “Sorry about that, uhm, you remember Vernon, right?” Wonwoo finishes chewing his last bite and nods in return. “He’s coming over if that’s okay?”

Wonwoo carefully wipes his mouth and I stare blankly, following the cloths precise movements as it sweeps across the older’s plump lips. I notice how his upper lip is shaped and curved like two mountain peaks and how the lower is fuller with more cushion. “It’s your house, why wouldn’t it be okay.” I jerk my eyes away from him and nod my head, agreeing to his statement.

_What the hell was that?_

“You’re right, it’s just I want to make sure you’re comfortable, you know?” I take a sip of my water because my throat is so damn dry for some reason and it’s beginning to cause an uncomfortable itch. “Did you want any more?” I ask Wonwoo, while I begin to eat again, mainly because I want him to eat more- remembering how light he was when I was carrying him- and partly to distract myself from Vernon’s trembling voice that is still ring in my head.

I look up just in time to see Wonwoo shake his head back and forth, with wide eyes. “I think I ate too much actually, but thanks for the food, it was really good.” His eyes catch with mine and I give a twitch of a smile with chopsticks halfway in my mouth and a light flutter begins to bloom in my lower gut at the compliment. The conversation from before is put on pause for now, but I will definitely have to confront the older in a later time. “Do you want me to do the dishes or maybe clean up the kitchen?” Wonwoo asks while pushing in his chair.

“No, no, no, that’s fine I’ll do it! Plus, Vernon probably needs to eat…” He doesn’t press any further, deciding to sit back down after placing his used utensils and plate in the, ever piling, sink. We sit and talk about random topics until I finish eating and it surprises me how much I eat that night. I haven’t felt this full in a while, but as I listen to the older talk about his favorite books and music, I just continue to consume bite after bite. The atmosphere becomes more light  and almost _calm_ , as if today’s events never happened and Wonwoo is just coming over to hang out. I pretend for just a _little_ longer that that’s the case.

“Do you want to watch some TV? Or, if your tired, I can show you to one of the guest rooms?” I ask once my stomach is screaming at me to quit eating. I notice Wonwoo’s droopy eyes and decide to suggest him going back upstairs to call it a night.

“I’ll watch some TV while you wait for Vernon to get here.” He replies while shaking his head tiredly and that alone makes me smile.

“Okay.” I guide the both of us to the living room and pick up a folded blanket on the way to one of the couches. Once Wonwoo is seated on one end of the couch I place the blanket over him, but he doesn't protest. Instead he gives me a shy smile and snuggles closer into the soft fabric. I opt to sit on the other end of the coach, giving the older his personal space, and switch the TV to some drama about behavioral science. Wonwoo seems pretty interested, so I keep it on and relax into the white cushioned sofa.

It all feels strangely domestic and calming, but as I give the older boy beside me glances, I can’t help but remember the events that have unfolded.

_How have you managed to turn my world on it’s head, Jeon Wonwoo?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! How've been >.< Hope you enjoyed the chapter, this one was a little tricky to write, but I think it turned out fine! Keep on the look out for the next chapter because I may be uploading it tonight or sometime in the next day :) from now on the chapters will be more fast pace, so I hope that's okay! Thank you guys for reading <3


	10. Futile Devices

It isn't much longer until the doorbell can be heard along with a couple of knocks lightly rapping against the front door. Wonwoo and I both perk up and look towards the sound. “Let me go get that. I’ll be right back, okay?” Looking back at the older I notice just how tired he seems to appear, but he nods his head anyways and focuses back on the drama that is still playing.

I unlock the door and I’m instantly greeted with Vernon standing quietly with a hood over his head, face half covered. In one hand is a closed umbrella and the other is supporting a bag that’s slung over one shoulder. Something is  _ definitely  _ off this time.

I let him in by opening the door wider and he slowly steps in, immediately taking his damp sneakers off and then placing his outer coat in the closet beside the door while leaning his droplet covered umbrella against the wall. “Hey…” The younger looks up and then quickly back down. I bite my lip and try again. “Did you eat?” He shakes his head, fabric quietly ruffling with each languid movement, and I gently begin to push him in the direction of the kitchen, which the younger complies with silently. “Come on, I made food.” He still doesn’t say anything, just nods his head.

Once in the kitchen, the younger places his backpack on the ground and sits where I had previously eaten just moments ago. I busy myself with grabbing a plate and small bowl from the cabinet and plating his meal. “Who else is here?” I stop plating food and look over my shoulder to where Vernon’s looking at- the sink. “Earlier today I thought you said your parents went on a trip? I know that Minseo stays at your grandparents when they’re away.” Vernon’s tone is back to normal and instead of the somber one from before, it’s genuine curiosity.

Dipping the ladle  back in the pot I scoop some more soup into the youngers bowl. “Oh, uh, Wonwoo’s here.” Vernon doesn't say anything so I continue. “He kinda got into a fight with Joonea and… passed out after school.” I say in a smaller voice.

“Dude, is he okay?!”

“Shh!” I jerk my head towards the younger and give him a pleading face. Vernon immediately closes his mouth, but gives me a stern look in return. “Yes, Wonwoo’s perfectly fine, no one laid a finger on him, just shook him up a little. That’s all.” I close the pot with the lid and move on to the noodles, knowing that the younger would want a little bit of them as well. “Seungcheol and Jeonghan showed up a few minutes after I found Wonwoo and helped me get him here. None of us knew where his house was, so we just came to mine.” Gently, I place the plate down on the table in front of Vernon and then the bowl.

“What about calling his parents?” He asks while picking up his utensils. “Does he not have a phone or something?” I grab another bowl out of the cabinet and look back at Vernon.

“No. Well not  _ anymore _ at least- look, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” I let out a sigh and turn back to the rice cooker, already feeling sorry for being short with the younger, but I seriously can’t handle talking about this right now. I hear Vernon let out a quiet ‘fine’ before I begin to talk again. “Do you want rice?” I ask the question with the scoop in one hand and a bowl in the other, already knowing the response.

“Sure”

I set the rice on the table and seat myself in the chair across from Vernon, not wanting to leave him alone just yet. I pull out my phone and begin to look up some nearby beaches- still holding on to my previous thoughts about taking Wonwoo to one. I scroll through a few that are close enough to at least spend the day at and read a couple of reviews here and there.

If it wasn’t for the close eye I’m keeping on the younger, I would have missed his languid movements completely. Vernon takes a few more bites and suddenly stops, setting down his chopsticks and removing his hoodie from his head. I do a double take at the fresh bruise blossoming across the younger’s temple and place my phone slowly on the table. I’m just about to ask when he starts to talk- more like whisper. “She hit me this time…” Vernon looks down at his meal and I just stare at the mark. It’s not big, about half the size of a playing card, but it’s _ there  _ nonetheless.

“What?” It’s the only word my brain is letting out.

“She hit me.  _ Hard _ .” He sighs and continues “It’s never been this bad before.” I look down at my own lap where my hands lay. “You know, I always think about what it would be like if I decided to stay with my dad, like Sophia did. I-I just don’t want to leave my mom alone you know? What if she, oh god, what if she wanders out of the house when she’s this drunk?” My head jerks up at the frantic tone fusing into the youngers words. “What if she gets hurt? I'd feel responsible and I can’t live my life knowing I let that happen…”

“Vernon, you can’t blame yourself for her own decisions. You know that.” I say softly, but also with a bit of sterness to get my point across. “We could try talking to your dad again-”

“You know he doesn’t listen.” He cuts me off instantly and I have no choice but to let Vernon continue. “I’ve tried to get him to talk to her about rehab.” His voice is small and almost pleading. “The answer is always the same.” Vernon lets out a sigh and I opt to stare back down into my lap, finding the look on the youngers face too upsetting to stomach. “He just thinks she’ll go for a month or so and then get right back to her old ways and I don’t know man, I can’t say I blame him for thinking that way.”

A few beats of silence pass over the two of us like a chilled breeze. “Just know that you can stay here whenever you feel like it okay? My parents don’t mind.” I look over towards Vernon who’s messing with his bowl in front of him, looking younger than he ever has, but not in a youthful way, more of the vulnerable and insecure look. I try a little smile out on my lips and attempt to brighten the mood. “My mom is practically in love with you and I think Minseo is actually _ in love _ with you.” That gets him to quietly chuckle and I think Vernon is just thankful for the change of topic.

“Yeah, too bad I’m about as straight as a circle.” He then looks up at me with eyes that say, ‘ _ I’m gonna be okay’,  _ and that’s enough for me to take the hint.

I nod my head and smirk while standing up. “Eat up. I’m gonna go check on Wonwoo. When you’re done just put your plate in the sink. You can bring your stuff in the guest room at the end of the hall and take a shower.” Vernon knows the drill by now, but I always feel the need to baby him. Our age difference isn’t even  _ that big _ , but I still find myself and Vernon having this kind of older and younger brother relationship.

Vernon picks up his utensils and begins to move some food around before bringing it to his mouth. “Alright.” The younger consciously stuffs his face with noodles and I let a tiny laugh slip as I round the corner out of the kitchen.

Once I enter the living room my eyes land on the top of Wonwoo’s head and I instantly make my way to the front of the couch to get his attention. “Won-” I stop once I see the older, who is currently tucked in the corner of the couch as if he’s not a 182 centimeter tall high schooler, but a young child who is much smaller. A tiny smile begins to form on to my unknowing face and I reach a hand out to shake the older’s shoulder lightly. “Hey, Wonwoo.” I say softly.

My eyes scan the latter’s face as it scrunches up and he begins to slowly look around the living room. “Hmm?” Wonwoo brings his tired eyes to my own pair and they seem to become more awake then just a few seconds ago, but not by much.

“You fell asleep.” My voice comes out soft and barely a whisper. The atmosphere is way too calm for any tone louder than this one- this intimate kind of moment. The magic is lost the second I slide my hand off of Wonwoo’s shoulder and I stand back to full height while taking a step back. He looks at me with a questioning stare. “I just didn’t think you’d want to sleep on the couch. It’s already almost eleven.” This gets his attention and his once tired eyes comically widen. I begin to laugh at his sudden realization. “Want me to show you to the guest room?” A few more giggles slip out, but Wonwoo doesn’t seem to mind, in fact he lets a beautiful smile spread gently onto his face and I couldn’t be more happy. The older takes the blanket off his lap and I jerk my head towards the direction of the staircase. “Come on.”

Upon entering the guestroom Wonwoo stops at the doorway and turns suddenly around; walking into my bathroom and coming back out in an instant with what looks to be his school uniform and a pair of worn converses.Wonwoo then carefully places his belongings on the chest at the front of the bed and doesn’t even think twice about yanking the duvet back and plopping himself onto the sheets.

I stand awkwardly across the room, trying not to think about how cute the older looks when he’s too tired to think about who’s watching. “If you need anything I’ll be down stairs for a little while longer, just until Vernon goes to bed and, uh, then I’ll be in my room.” The older makes a noise of acknowledgement while sinking into the charcoal sheets. “Just wake me up if something’s wrong.” And with that, I turn to walk out the bedroom, letting the older have his space.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Wonwoo’s baritone voice cuts off my movements like a wave crashing back into the warm ocean.

“U-uh, sure. What is it?” I can not exactly pinpoint as to why I’m feeling so immensely nervous at the older’s question of wanting to talk to me. My heart begins to race at the thought of him bringing up unwanted topics of bullies and my lingering stares that occur more than I’d like to admit, or perhaps something else he’s thought of entirely.

“I kinda…” He lazaly blinks and then yawns. “Have a secret.” Wonwoo whispers out, closing his eyes in the process.

I freeze completely because my first thought is the car accident and I’m not sure I can handle hearing the hard information coming straight from him. My eyes search his figure; covered by the white duvet that used to be mine, but I had bought a new one a few months back and my mom didn’t want to get rid of this one.

“Yeah?” I walk forward and perch myself at the foot of the bed, instead of standing awkwardly, but just until he’s done talking- which honestly shouldn't be too long considering he’s basically already falling back asleep.

The older blinks open one eye and lets out a soft ‘ _ Hm _ ’ and continues. “I talked for the first time in three years, yesterday…” I stare hard at Wonwoo, holding my breath at the news, and watch as his eyes connect with mine. He licks his lips and I can’t help but flick my gaze down at the movement. “Because of you.” Wonwoo’s voice is clear as day.

My heart begins to speed up and my hands that have been perched on either side of my hips are now clutching the white fabric with so much force that I am afraid he’ll notice, but it’s fine because in this moment, I realize  _ I don’t care _ .

I don’t care if he notices my heavy breathing or my death grip I currently have on the duvet, all I truly care about right now is the new information that Wonwoo has decided to share with me. My first question I have for the older is simple enough. Why? Why did he decide to be mute for so long and why did he just now decide to quit? And I guess most importantly: How is it because of me? None of this makes sense.

“I-” My voice barely whispers out. 

“There’s more to it, but I’m really tired right now.” He lazyly states while turning over in the bed, back now facing me, and I still have my mouth agape from the questions that I need to be answered. I guess this can wait though, he’s had a difficult day and honestly, so have I. Saving the current topic and the one from earlier tonight, in a corner of my brain that I’ll definitely be digging back up in the near future.

I decide to leave it at that, though I’m pretty sure Wonwoo wouldn't have continued even if I was to push him further. Letting out a sigh, I stand from the end of the bed and make my way towards the light switch. “Just g-go to sleep, okay?”

There’s ruffling in the sheets before I hear Wonwoo’s baritone voice. “Good night, Mingyu.” His tone is so soft and so fragile that it can even be interpreted as fond if my emotions weren’t such a jumbled up mess at the moment.

My hand ghosts lightly over the outlet with a heart beating erratically in my wide chest. “Good night, Wonwoo.” I whisper out before flipping the switch and shutting the door behind me. Once a few feet in the hall I stop and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

_ I need to sort out my emotions. _

●●

Once I’m done with cleaning the dishes and putting away any leftovers, I hear the hinges of a door scream open, notifying me that Vernon has finished in the bathroom. I quickly dry my freshly washed hands on a dishtowel and toss the rag on the island before making my way down the hall.

“Hey man, you gonna be okay?” I catch Vernon on his way back into the downstairs guest bedroom. The younger has a towel around his neck, dark locks slightly damp, and the bruise around his eye seems to stand out more than it did before against his fair skin. I inwardly sigh at the mere thought.

Vernon stops in his doorway, tired eyes noticing me a few feet away. He gives a lazy shrug from his right shoulder, towel moving further down in the process. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He answers a little too nonchalant and I’m  not really convinced by his answer, but I give him a nod and begin to to walk towards the stairs anyway. “Oh, uhm, Mingyu?” I turn my head at the sudden call to see Vernon leaning on the door; one hand resting lightly on the handle and the other gripping the side. He taps the wood lightly and looks down at the ground, as if he’s becoming bashful. “Seungkwan said yes.” He clears his throat. “I’ve got a date tomorrow.” This time his voice is more confident and words can’t even explain how proud I am of him.

“Oh my god, that’s- that’s awesome! At what time? What are you guys doing?” I turn my body completely around to face him better.

“We’re meeting up at five, in  Nampo-dong. They have that market there where we can eat at and then I plan on taking him to this aquarium that’s down the street.” Vernon smiles shyly and looks back down at the ground, trying to hide the growing grin. “I just can’t believe I’m actually going on a date with him…”

“You’re going to have so much fun. You better send me pictures! Now get some rest, you have a big day tomorrow.” I point an accusing finger at him playfully.

Vernon gives me a light smile and then turns to close the door, leaving me to stand in the empty hallway.

I make my way upstairs and wash up before heading back into my room. Once tucked safely inside my duvet I’m bombarded with the resounding scent of strawberries. Not the fruity manufactured kind you have in pink milk and lip balms, but the scent you get when you slice fresh strawberries open. Raw, sweet, and organic.

Wonwoo’s apparent scent.

Makes sense considering he was resting here for quite some time earlier. I lay for what feels like hours, but in reality is nothing more than twelve minutes, according to my alarm clock. I opt to just stare at the ceiling with my eyes focusing in and out of the unstable patterns. It’s been too long of a day and right now, even with my mind swirling into uncharted territory, it’s just too quiet; numbingly so.

Letting out a huff of agitated breath, I turn over onto my side and stretch my arms out in front of me. My sheets begin to feel too hot and clammy, but I have no intentions of moving again, instead I force my eyes shut and urge myself to feel tired. I let the scent of strawberries take over my every sense along with the darkness from the room. Then just like that, I begin to drift away.

That night I dream. I dream of peach colored lines across pale skin and breaths being cut short by pleads. Visions of long raven bangs swaying between catlike eyes that are filled with fear and anxiety. No, I don’t dream. I have a nightmare.

Let’s just say, waking up at two A.M. with sweat making its way into uncomfortable places and having to calm myself down from the vivid nightmare wasn’t the most pleasurable experience I have ever had.

●●

My eyes sleepily scrunch up at the light that’s hitting probably the most annoying spot: My face. A sigh leaves my lips and memories from yesterday invade my thoughts, but they are unable to get very far once my ears catch muffled sounds of voices from downstairs.

_ Are Wonwoo and Vernon already awake? _ I ask myself as I move my head lazily to the side and catch a glimpse at my alarm clock. “Shit, it’s already eleven?!” I yank my bedsheets off my shivering and exposed upper body, goosebumps spread rapidly down my forearms the second my feet make contact with the frigid hardwood flooring. There’s a shirt strewn across the floor a few feet away, I must have gotten too hot last night.

_ Maybe I took it off when I had woken up in the middle of the night?  _ I think to myself as I hastily collect it from where it lays .

I shrug my shoulders and throw on the ratty shirt while making my way to the bathroom across the hall. The guest bedroom’s door is ajar and the voices from earlier can still be heard. Once my business is done and my teeth are brushed I head down the stairs and the smell of food being made is the first thing I notice.

_ “-yeah I ate lunch with him yesterday.”  _ Wonwoo’s deep voice, laced with a groggy undertone, can be heard as I round the corner into the kitchen.

_ He must have woken up not too long ago. _

I catch sight of Vernon pushing something around in a pan on the stove, presumably making breakfast. I then look towards to table and notice Wonwoo, whose back is facing me, cradling something in front of him, which by the smell of things is probably coffee.

Vernon turns around, mouth open and ready to reply to the older, but he catches sight of me making haste towards the dining table. I instantly notice the bruise on his temple and realize how dark it’s gotten over night. I inwardly sigh at the sight and not just at the purplish marking, but also his entire ‘get-up’. The younger’s hair is a wavy black mess and he’s also clad in a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt, causing me to mentally facepalm at how open the younger can be sometimes.

“Oh, you’re up! I made breakfast and some coffee, I know how you can’t live without it.” He gives me a wink and all I can think about is how thankful I am for his positive energy, because I was afraid I was about to walk into the kitchen and witness the saddest  _ Breakfast Club _ of all time. To be frank, the three of us had a pretty shit day yesterday, so all I’m hoping is that today will be better.

“Thanks, Vernon.” A genuine smile spreads across my face.

I bring myself up to the quiet senior and pull out the chair catty-corner to his, so I’m sitting at the head of the table. Wonwoo looks into his cup and taps his pointer finger lightly onto the rim of the mug. “Good morning.” I grab his attention with my greeting and he matches me with an unreadable expression.

Wonwoo lips then twitch into a small smile and he meets my eyes.“Morning.” I watch on as the older brings the ceramic mug towards his lips and blows on the dark liquid. The steam spreads across the top easily, but Wonwoo still has yet to take a sip. Instead he lets his hands wrap fully around the mug and basks in the warmth emitting from it. The sight itself is actually...adorable.

“Did you sleep okay?” I question after a few beats of silence. Wonwoo merely nods his head and looks back down into his mug.

_ He must not be a morning person. _

I smile towards him anyways; canines and all, out for show. “Good.” 

Nothing else is said until Vernon places a plate of some questionably made eggs and bacon in front of me, along with a cup of coffee that I honestly should have gotten myself. “Aw, thank you!” The younger continues to place a plate in front of Wonwoo and then himself. “I love it when you make western food~” I brighten the mood a bit more with the compliments for the younger and notice the scoff from the latter, but I decide to completely ignore it.

“Shut up. You know I can't cook, but it’s the least I could do for you letting me stay the night.” He comes back around the table with eating utensils. “Here, Wonwoo.” The older lets out a small ‘Thank you’ and begins to eat, very slowly, as if it’s hurting him to do so. I give a questioning stare to Vernon, but he just shrugs his shoulders and sits down.

It’s not until I’m halfway through my plate when Wonwoo finally begins to pick up the pace and I let out a sigh I didn't even know I was holding in.

“So Wonwoo and I talked while you had your  _ beauty sleep _ and I came up with the idea of combining our friend groups.” Vernon announces as soon as he's done eating, I'm still in the process of finishing up my second cup of coffee and Wonwoo is pushing around the little bit of eggs he still has left on his plate.

“What?” Combining our groups? What got them on the topic of that? 

“How long have you guys been up?” The younger looks off to the side, face scrunched up in a thinking mold, and whispers out a quiet, ‘three hours?’ causing my eyes to widen comically. “Three hours?!” Beside me Wonwoo let's out a hushed laugh. “You should’ve woken me up” I whine at nobody in particular. Pushing my coffee away from me I sit back heavily into my seat and let out a huff. “I mean I'm not opposed of the idea, it just sounds like a romcom, but I’m listening.” I drop the fact that the two have been up for most of the morning and switch the subject back to the previous one.

Vernon perks up in his seat and leans his arms onto the table. “So I found out that Minghao, Jeonghan, Seungkwan, and Chan know all of us well enough and I think it’s dumb just leaving them out of the things we do, so why not just all hang out together. You know like eat lunch, talk during breaks and hang after school.”

“Sounds good to me.” I answer him earnestly. “I’ll let Seungcheol know and he can talk to Jeonghan.”

●●

After breakfast Wonwoo mentions that he needs to head home, so we all get dressed- Wonwoo decides to wear his charcoal school trousers and white button up, placing my jumper over that, claiming it’ll keep him warm. I would offer him something else to wear, but none of my clothes would fit his smaller frame properly, so I drop the idea completely.

It turns out the older lives roughly three blocks away, so about a ten minute walk. All three of us make it out of my neighborhood and into the main roads of the busy city and Wonwoo leads the rest of the way, mentioning he remembers where he’s at. We make small talk with one another, jumping from topic after topic, Wonwoo placing his opinion here and there, but other than that he stays quiet for the most part. I try not to think too much about it, but eventually blame it on the information the older had shared with me last night. The ‘ _ just now starting to talk again _ ’ information. I’m about to get lost in thoughts of the olders decision to stay mute for so long, when Wonwoo suddenly stops walking.

In front of us is, what I assume to be, Wonwoo’s home. The older boy lives in a quaint house, colored in a faded azure, with deconstructed cardboard boxes piled high in his recycling bin out front, probably from his recent move. I instantly take note at how different our front yards seem to be. My lawn having bountiful landscaping, that my mother pays to have done twice a month and Wonwoo’s lawn is barely even big enough for the lone camphor tree and two window boxes with kept up chrysanthemums.

“This is my stop.” Wonwoo says sheepishly and I’m suddenly struck with the realization that my face probably looks judgemental. I give him a big smile to cover up any miscommunication. In return the older looks down towards the ground and clears his throat. “Thank you both for walking me here.”

“No problem, man.” Vernon is quick to speak. “It was nice to finally meet you properly.” The younger’s voice is genuine and calm, just like it normally is. Wonwoo finally brings his head back up looking the tiniest bit surprised as red begins to dust the seniors cheeks.

“You too.”

“Meet up at the library Monday morning?” I ask, letting the tiniest hint of hope seep into the question. 

Wonwoo nods so quickly and so slight that if I wasn’t giving him a hundred and ten percent of my attention I would miss it entirely. I try not to let the excitement show in my voice, “Alright. I’ll see you then.”

I turn on my heel almost instantly to hide the stupid grin growing across my face, Vernon following behind me right on my heels.

“Goodbye Mingyu.”

I throw a hand up and wave without looking back and keep walking-

“Your clothes!?” Wonwoo’s voice comes again from even farther away. My smile falters as I turn around to face the other, his expression twisted into one of distress. I smile again, warmly this time and not in an endearing way at all, and shake my head to dispel his worries about the clothes.

“Keep them!” I yell back, still waving.

●●

“You okay?” The air has a little bite to it- probably whatever’s leftover from the sleet we had yesterday- and dead leaves from nearby trees, swirl on the path around us. “You know, better than last night.” I keep my eyes trained forward and continue to walk lazily down the busy street, arms crossed protectively across my chest for warmth.

There’s people  _ everywhere _ . Couples in matching long coats, individuals who are disconnected from the world with headphones plugged into each ear, groups of friends making their presence known with each laugh and giggle continuously getting louder. And there are also families ranging in various members from babies in covered strollers, to preeteens walking along with their parents.

Then there’s Vernon and I: two friends, whose lives are practically unknown to the passersby on the streets or even to the students and peers from our high school. Which gets me thinking.

Even with all of the popularity my friends and I have, not a  _ single  _ person knows of our home lives, or at least not the  _ whole  _ part of it. I hear rumors every now and then about my dad or how people have seen Jihoon going into the shabby part of town, where the rundown apartments are housed. I’ve also listened to a conversation between a group of sophomores gossiping about Soonyoung and how his parents abandoned him- which is only half true (but both of their stories are for a different time and place). Or how some girls once caught sight of Vernon having to calm his mom down over the phone during his free period. It’s just… no one truly knows of the broad meaning of it all.

And the funny thing is: they never will.

“I kinda have to be, you know?” Vernon answers my question with his own montone response, forcefully pulling me out of my wandering thoughts. “I mean, I’m still a little shaken, but I’ll be okay.” He’s always been the kind of person to be positive and more mature than his physical age says he  _ should  _ be and I admire that about him.

He lets out a deep sigh, creating a white cloud in the process. “I just don’t really want to think about it today.  _ Today  _ is a special day for Seungkwan and I. It’s a big step into something more. I just don’t want to mess this up.” The youngers voice about fades away into the cities loud and bustling streets, causing me to strain my ears to catch the last part.

I nod my head slowly in understanding. _ Vernon doesn’t want to end up like his parents. _ A forgotten love- one that has faded into nothing. He has grown up watching them, observing them, from the time he could begin to remember, Vernon once mentioned how it didn’t  _ actually used _ to be like this. They once truly loved each other and had looked at one another like there was nothing that could separate them, but things changed.

The change happened slowly, but also drastically. His parents wouldn’t talk to each other for days and when they did, they always broke out into heated arguments, which then led to yelling and slamming doors.

I can understand why the younger is so anxious… but he’s not like that. He’s not like  _ them _ . Vernon is always aware and collected, he knows how to read an entire room of people and decipher what needs to be done. He’s kind, wise, and soft spoken most of the time.

“You won’t.” I give the younger man beside me a soft smile, one that I hope let’s him know that I’m being completely serious. “You’re gonna do great.” Vernon slowly nods his head and chews on the inside of his cheek- a nervous habit of his.

“Do you know I actually get jealous of Jihoon and Soonyoung sometimes?” I lift my eyebrows at the sudden confession and a red heat begins to spread across my cheeks, mostly because I too get jealous of the sweet couple. “They love each other  _ so much  _ and rely on one another for the smallest of things.” Vernon lets out a breathy chuckle. “Heck, we all know about how they want to get married after graduating or sometime after college, even though Jihoon  _ always  _ denies it.” I smile at the thought and in my peripheral I can tell the younger is too. “It’s so admirable.” He says in awe.

Shoving my hands into my pockets I nod my head. “Yeah, I feel that way too.” The younger lets out an embarrassed laugh and continues.

“I want to be that way with Seungkwan… I want us to have our own kind of relationship, not a scanned copy of theirs, but at least something similar.” Vernon lets out a sigh and looks back towards me as we stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn green. “Have you ever thought of someone like that before?”

My nerves begin to act up tenfold and I unconsciously wipe my palms across my thighs. The first thing that pops into my head is Wonwoo and I’m not too sure why. Yes, I’m intrigued by the older and want to know more about him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m  _ in love _ with the guy like Vernon is with Seungkwan and I definitely would not compare our relationship with Soonyoung and Jihoon’s. It does feel different when I’m around him though, I know that for a fact. Because I should feel the same way about Wonwoo as I do with Jun or Seungcheol, Vernon and DK, and the rest of my friends… but  _ I don’t _ and I can’t explain why.

I’m not blind though; I see the way the older has looked at me. I’ve noticed the gazes and dusted blush, but I can’t really look too much into it, not now at least.

“I-I’m not sure, yet.” I finally answer the younger.

Vernon lets out a low hum and continues down the crosswalk the second the light turns green, placing his hands into his coat pockets. “Do you  _ want _ to think of someone in that way?” The youngers voice comes out softly and he doesn’t even bother to look at me with the question, opting to stare ahead.

I sweep my tongue over dry lips- mostly from the weather, partly from a nervous tic- and let out a little white cloud of breath once my shoes make contact with the sidewalk again. “Yes.”

●●

The rest of Saturday passes without a word from Vernon. I tell myself not to worry about it and simply text him before I go to bed, just to make sure everything went smoothly. He’s old enough to be responsible in that kind of sense. Plus, I’m in no position to constantly worry about the younger, but then again that’s just how I am: I worry for my friends. Always have.

It’s about eight thirty in the evening when I heat up whatever is leftover from last nights dinner- which turns out to be _ not much _ ,-especially after Vernon ate- and watch some brain numbing reality show about celebrities in the jungle while I eat, but even that doesn’t last long. My appetite is lost after about six bites in, too concerned over nothing in particular. It’s all a jumbled up mess of Wonwoo’s mother, Vernon’s home life, and my own well being also makes an appearance today.

My eyes scan around the room and unconsciously land on a spot at the other end of the couch I’m on. I remember how just yesterday Wonwoo was wrapped up in a blanket and sat comfortably, while watching a show with me. That night… That night I didn’t feel the heavy weight on my chest- the suffocating feeling of being alone. Having the older just  _ being there _ made this huge and empty house feel so much more  _ alive _ .

I let out a sigh and place my bowl down on the glass coffee table in front of me with a ‘ _ clank _ ’ and lean back heavily into the white cushions, my faded locks falling away from my forehead in the process. How can this guy show up out of the blue and affect me so much? I just don’t get it.

My eyes lock with the ceiling and my mind wanders on its own accord, remembering the way Wonwoo had looked at me yesterday on the way to school- the same way Soonyoung and Jihoon look at eachother on a daily basis. The same way Vernon looks when he talks about Seungkwan, and the same way my parents used to look towards each other when I was much younger.

Could the older possibly… like or at least be attracted to me?

My eyes close at the thought and I have to tell myself that we are just friends, nothing more. I don’t want to rush things with him. Being friends is… well it’s enough for me. Hell. Having him around is enough for me.

I jolt in surprise when my cell phone begins to agrily vibrate on the glass table, successfully erasing any previous thoughts running through my head. I quickly check the caller ID and release a long sigh of relief when I see the name at the top.

Pulling the blanket that’s haphazardly laying across my legs up to my chin, I answer the phone with a swipe of my thumb. “Hello?!” My voice comes across more frantic then I honestly preferred, but I’m slightly on edge due to the fact that the younger said he would text me or atleast send me pictures; neither of which ended up happening.

_ “Hey” _ Vernon’s voice is close to a whisper when he answers, but he just  _ sounds  _ happy, and that’s really all I need to hear to know that the younger had a really good time.  _ “I have to be quiet, my mom is sleeping, but I just wanted to let you know that my phone died and I’m sorry I didn’t message you or anything.”  _ There’s shuffling noises on the other side of the line and then a bed creaking.

I lick my lips and let a relaxed smile spread across my face. “No, no, no, It’s fine.” I voice out quickly, not wanting to dampen his mood. “Did you two have fun?” It’s not until now that I notice how quiet it is in the house and the only sound is the low voices coming from the TV and the breathing coming from the other end of the phone.

There’s a light chuckle on his end of the call and then an expelling of breath. _ “Yeah. It was amazing actually.” _ Vernon says wistfully.

_ This kid is beyond gone for Seungkwan. _

“That good, huh?” I adjust my position on the couch to where my feet are both planted on the ground and my elbows are resting on my knees, blanket now draped across my lap. “Well I’m glad you guys had a good time, get some rest, okay?” I hear a low hum and decide the younger is probably tired. “Text me if you need anything.”

_ “Alright, night.” _

“G’night.” The line clicks and I drop my phone haphazardly on the cushion beside me.  _ At least it went well for him. _

I finish up half of whatever is left in my bowl and toss out the rest, deciding it’s probably not worth reheating again, and travel up the stairs to take a shower. My steps halt suddenly as I realize the door to the guest room is still open. My eyes peek inside the empty room and I take note at how neatly the bed was remade and also the folded sheet of paper left on top of the night stand, just barely noticeable by the light streaming in from the hallway.

_ Did Wonwoo leave this here? He’s such a dork. _

Once inside, I turn the lamp on while sitting lightly on the bed and then I carefully unfold the parchment.

_ Mingyu,  _

_ I’m not sure when you’ll read this, but thanks for letting me stay with you. I just wanted to let you know that we’re not done with the conversation from dinner or the one we started before I went to sleep.  _ ~~_ I’m not re _ ~~ _ I’ll tell you everything, but just not right now. I’m not ready. Please wait for me. _

_ -Wonwoo _

_ P.S. Before you woke up, Vernon told me some funny stories of when you were younger. I like hearing these types of stories, so let me hear more next time! I bet you tell them better. _


End file.
